


Abandoned Scars/Love

by XfreakXninjaX



Category: Bleach
Genre: Aizen Being an Asshole, Character Death, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Illnesses, Lost Love, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Original Character(s), Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Pre-Canon, Romance, Shapeshifting, Shinigami
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 08:07:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4997122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XfreakXninjaX/pseuds/XfreakXninjaX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kokoro Ono bears many burdens. Her past was something that had left her scarred beyond all belief, and her future hadn't looked too much brighter until someone finally came along that eased her pain. Aizen's sudden betrayal, however, ripped all of her hope and joy away from her, and now she and the rest of the Vaizards must deal with their pasts while they wait for their revenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One- They've All Got Issues, Even If They Hide Them

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, Kokoro will probably come off as a bit Mary-Sue in the beginning, but fear not, that won't last too terribly long. Things will get pretty twisted when her past is revealed.

“Shinji, explain something to me, please.”

As a light breeze passed by them, Shinji looked over his shoulder at his companion. She was a beautiful raven-haired woman, with ocean blue eyes that could look into your very soul, and a body that every woman could only dream for. She was gorgeous, but Shinji remembered a time when she was even more beautiful; it was a long time ago, before their luck turned to shit, before she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. She was still beautiful, but if you were somehow able to look past the façade that she put up, you could see the pain and worry in her eyes and you could easily see just how tired she was.

She always wore gloves on her hands, to cover up the scars that were imbedded deeply onto her palms and on her fingers and even on the back of her hands; there was only one person that she was comfortable showing them to, and that person was far away in Soul Society, a place that had forsaken them and cast them out when they needed it most, a place where they were forbidden to ever dwell in again. She had lost so much when they were cast out, but she never showed her pain, not once, but instead carried the burden of everyone else’s pain to cover up her own. Sometimes, the thought had crossed Shinji’s mind that maybe she wore black shirts (tube tops, actually) everyday as a way to try to show her mourning, but with the way that she smiled and cheered everybody up, the thought just sort of disappeared as quickly as it came into being.

“What is it, Kokoro-chan?” Shinji asked. She seemed to think for a moment, clicking the heels of her black boots together as she stared off into the distance. If her curly black hair hadn’t been tied up, it would been blowing everywhere along with the wind, but again, she only wore her hair down for one person, the person that she had dedicated the depths of her soul to, the person who had abandoned her just like everybody else in Soul Society.

“What are we doing here?” she finally asked, so low that Shinji was barely able to hear her soft voice. It was hard for him to believe sometimes that she was once a Kenpachi, that was until he saw her fight, and then it was plainly obvious. It was also obvious that she had been trying to figure out the answer to that question for a while; she had been twisting the silver bands, one of which was on each of her middle fingers, for at least thirty minutes now, and she had been slightly gnawing on her lower lip, something which Shinji had noticed, but he doubted that she had even realized that she was doing it.

“We’re scouting this kid out, Kokoro-chan,” Shinji told her.

“I figured that, but why?” she replied.

“Well, Kisuke figured by the way that he got his Shinigami abilities back that he might be one of us, and if he is, we’ll need to be around to make sure that he doesn’t hurt anyone when that Hollow of his comes out,” Shinji explained.

“I know that, but he just he got his powers back. He hasn’t even been to Soul Society to save his friend yet, so there’s no way enough time has passed for his abilities to develop that far,” Kokoro told him.

“He’s going to Soul Society to save his friend?” Shinji asked. He was unaware of that particular detail.

“Well, that’s what I heard at Kisuke’s shop. I’ve been keeping an ear out for the kid, but I haven’t been trying to stalk him, unlike you, apparently,” Kokoro told him, raising an eyebrow at him as she finished her statement.

“I’m just curious, Kokoro-chan,” Shinji whined.

“So, your curiosity encompasses floating in the air upside down and following him everywhere, Captain Hirako?” Kokoro taunted.

“Well, no, Captain Ono, it doesn’t. I just got carried away,” Shinji retorted. Kokoro let out a deep sigh as she brushed some of her hair out of her face.

“Let the kid live for now, Shinji. There’s no need for him to be ripped out of his life as suddenly as we were. I mean, it’s bound to happen soon, but let him have as much time as he can get. Kisuke will warn us when his Hollow acts up, and then we can stalk him. Deal?” Kokoro offered. Most people would have been amazed that she was showing such compassion for someone that she didn’t even know, but Shinji wasn’t surprised at all. Hell, he’d be surprised if she wasn’t being so caring.

It was Shinji’s turn to let out a sigh this time.

“Fine, Kokoro-chan, you twisted my arm. We’ll leave him be for now,” Shinji agreed.

“Psh, please. If I had twisted your arm-“

“Yeah, yeah, I wouldn’t have it anymore,” Shinji interrupted.

“Oh, I see how it is. Mr. Man over here thinks that he can start finishing my sentences for me now,” Kokoro challenged. She had different ways to show how much she cared for everyone, and for Shinji, it was constant teasing and sarcasm.

“Maybe I do, but that’s not the point. Let’s get out of here and go see what the rest of the band is dong, eh?” Shinji offered.

“Those hellions have probably razed the warehouse by now,” Kokoro laughed. “Without our mature guidance, that is.”

“Well, it wouldn’t surprise me,” Shinji agreed.

“And I guess we should get our beloved little children some dinner, shouldn’t we?” Kokoro suggested.

“Yeah, yeah, wouldn’t want the infants to starve, would we?” Shinji agreed.

“Oh, good! So you’re buying, eh? Well, don’t let me stop you, Captain Hirako!”

“Hey, I didn’t say shit about-!” But, it was too late. Kokoro Ono had already Shunpo’d away, leaving Shinji hanging in the air all on his lonesome, and also leaving him with the food bill. But, even though he could practically feel his wallet shrinking already, he couldn’t help but grin to himself. If things had gone just a little differently, he could easily have seen himself falling in love with Kokoro, and he was sure that most of the men that had met her could say the same, but she had already sworn her heart to another, and even if that lucky bastard could so easily have abandoned her love over a century ago, she couldn’t find it in herself to do the same.

* * *

 

“Well, everything looks good from the outside,” Shinji commented.

“You just jinxed us, asshole,” Kokoro warned him. “It’ll probably be hell incarnate on the inside.”

Shinji couldn’t fight off the gut feeling that she was right as they walked through the barrier that surrounded the warehouse, and as they raised the warehouse door, he couldn’t deny just how right she was. It seemed that while they were gone, Hiyori and Kensei had decided to bump heads, and everyone else was probably doing the smart thing by not getting involved.

“At least it’s not you,” Kokoro commented to Shinji.

“Damn straight,” he replied. They tried their hardest to sneak by the two so they could join everyone else, but things could never just be easy for them, could they?

“Oi, Baldy!” Hiyori practically screamed.

“Oh, please, just, just no,” Shinji muttered.

“Tell your friend here to get his head out of his ass!” she continued.

“Please, please help me, Kokoro-chan. I am begging you,” Shinji whined.

“Really, Shinji? This one is so easy,” Kokoro commented.

“Enlighten me then, just please, don’t make me deal with her,” Shinji pleaded.

“Fine,” Kokoro conceded. “Hey! Are you two assholes gonna fight all night, or are you gonna drag your sorry asses over here and eat?!”

“Kokoro-chan is scary when she acts angry,” Rose commented, and Love nodded in agreement. Surprisingly, the two hot-heads made no more argument, and decided to join the civilized part of the warehouse for a moment.

“How thoughtful of you to get us dinner, Kokoro-chan,” Lisa commented.

“Hey, now, I-“Shinji started.

“Nah-ah, my idea,” Kokoro told him.

“My money,” Shinji countered.

“You offered,” Kokoro replied.

“You offered for me!” Shinji stated.

“You didn’t argue,” Kokoro said, shrugging as she took a bite of her lunch.

“You didn’t give me a chance!” Shinji shouted, astonished at how well she playing this off.

“Excuses will get you nowhere, Hirako-kun,” Kokoro practically sang, emphasizing the ‘kun’ for effect.

“Ooh, that’s gotta hurt,” Love commented.

“No doubt,” Lisa agreed.

“I do what I can,” Kokoro commented. “Will you two stop glaring at each other so we can eat dinner in peace?”

“NO!” Hiyori and Kensei shouted at the same time.

“I swear by my ancestors I will beat the hell out of both of you if you don’t stop acting like fools this instant!” Kokoro challenged.

“Fine,” Kensei conceded.

“Yeah, no problem, mom,” Hiyori scoffed.

“Excuse me?!” Kokoro demanded.

“Nothing!” Hiyori quickly replied, shoving some food in her mouth so she couldn’t say anything to get herself in more trouble.

“Good,” Kokoro smiled, which only scared Hiyori even more. Kensei couldn’t help but snicker in victory, although he knew that Kokoro wasn’t really angry at Hiyori: she just liked messing with her. Kokoro showed her love to Shinji by teasing the hell out of him, and for Kensei, she indulged his need for violence by sparring with him daily. As for Hiyori, well, she showed her love for her by messing with her, whether that was scaring her, surprising her, confusing her, or whatever the case may be. Kokoro was a strange woman, but he couldn’t help but think of how she had been such a light in the dark for them when times were hard, when they couldn’t find any hope in their future. Without her, he didn’t know where they would be right now.

* * *

 

By the time she was finally able to plop down on her bed, Kokoro was exhausted. When the Vaizards finally finished eating, Kensei and Hiyori had decided that it was a good idea for them to start fighting again, so Kokoro was stuck breaking them apart, and when she finally did get them apart, Kensei demanded that she spar with him so he could vent his anger. And of course, Kokoro agreed, and after about three hours of fighting, she was dog-tired.

Once she was finally able to get away from Kensei, she retreated to her room, trading her jeans for a pair of dangerously short shorts and her tube top for a tank top. After she discarded her boots in the corner of her room, she walked over to her bed, turned around, and fell back on it, letting the softness of her mattress catch her.

Although Kokoro couldn’t say that she particularly enjoyed being in the middle of Kensei and Hiyori’s drama all day, she had to admit, it kept her on her toes and thinking. Now she was all alone and it was quiet, and the one thing that she hated about the silence of solitude was that it gave her time to think, and when she thought, old memories just seemed to creep in from every opening.

She held both of her arms above her and slowly started to pull her gloves off. She didn’t show her scars to many people; they signified a dark part of her past, and she preferred to keep those dark memories as they were: memories. But on her right wrist was something else, something that also signified a part of her past, a part that was troubled, but not nearly as dark as the others. On her right wrist was a tattoo; it was a black, serpent-like dragon, whose body wrapped around her wrist, and its tail was caught in the clasps of its teeth, locking the small dragon in its place.

The image of that dragon was the last thing that played through Kokoro’s mind as she drifted off to sleep, and it accompanied her through the depths of her unconscious mind and into her dreams.

* * *

 

_“No! They’re terrible!” Kokoro nearly whined, wrapping her hands around themselves to make sure that no one could take her gloves off of her._

_“They can’t be that bad, Kokoro-chan,” he commented, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her hair, which she had let down especially just for him. He could never decide just what her hair smelled like; it smelled warm and sweet, and he just couldn’t pick out what it reminded him of, other than the woman that had stolen his heart._

_“Yes they can,” she muttered, trying to look anywhere but him. He noticed her silence after her comment, and as he looked up and saw how she was avoiding his gaze, he smiled and took her face in his hands._

_“Kokoro-chan, you know I won’t judge you,” he assured her._

_“I know, but,” she started._

_“Nah-ah, no excuses, Kokoro-chan; they’ll get you nowhere,” he told her. She just stared at him indignantly for a moment._

_“Kokoro-chan, I don’t want to see them for just any old reason: I want to see them because I want to know every part of you, whether you think it’s a good or bad part. You’re perfect to me, no matter what, Kokoro-chan, and nothing can or will change that, especially not a few scars,” he explained. If it were anyone else, she would have tried to object, but it was him, and the look of sincerity and love in his eyes made it impossible for her to argue with him._

_“Fine,” she breathed, slowly inching her gloves off. She couldn’t look him in the eyes once she finally got them off because she was too ashamed. It was quiet for a moment, but in the midst of silence, he gently took her hands in his and used his thumb to trace the dragon tattoo that adorned her wrist._

_“When did you get this?” he asked her, softly so he wouldn’t spook her away._

_“A while ago. I got it as a symbol of achievement, to give myself a reminder of what I had overcome,” she explained._

_“That’s beautiful. Why do you cover it up?” he asked._

_“It’s-it’s personal, and it would make people ask questions, so, you know,” she answered._

_“I see. Thank you for showing it to me, Kokoro-chan,” he commented, taking her wrist and hold it to his mouth. He gently kissed along the tattoo, and then he started to kiss every single scar that had entrenched itself in her skin, as if in an attempt to relieve the pain of the memories that she had of getting them. She couldn’t stop the tears that welled in her eyes at the sight of that beautiful man showing her such a sign of affection, and when he kissed the ring that he himself had put on her left ring finger not even a week ago, she lost it. It seemed so silly now, to have hid something so simple from the man that was ready to spend the rest of life with her, which is something that she would chastise herself for later, but for now, she just wanted to savor this moment of amour with her betrothed._

_“Thank you,” she sniveled, her heart practically melting in her chest. He let her hands go as he brought his to her face, wiping away a tear that had strayed down her face and bringing her lips to his softly. He was always so careful with her, even though he had no reason to do so, and that made her love for him grow deeper and deeper every time they were together. She always found such comfort in his kisses; he always tasted like tea, and that always, without a doubt, soothed her, just like it was doing now._

_“I love you,” she breathed as they pried themselves away from each other, “Jūshirō.”_


	2. Chapter Two- Try Pushing Her One More Time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the guest that left a kudos!

“Why didn’t you come after me?” Kokoro muttered, twirling a ring in her hand. It was the ring that Jūshirō had given her so long ago, her engagement ring. She had kept it out of sentiment, and also because she still loved the man, even though she had tried to drop those feelings, but, that just wasn’t possible. She had still worn it on her ring finger for decades after they had to leave Soul Society, but once she realized that he wasn’t coming for her, she took it off. In a sense, she did still wear it, just not on her finger. She kept it on a chain around her neck, a chain that was long enough for her to hide under her shirt. She didn’t think the other Vaizards would judge her for still wearing it, but she wanted to show them that she had moved on, that they were her family now and that they were her first priority. She also didn’t want to remind them of what they had all lost.

“You awake?” Kokoro looked up at the door to her room, and Lisa was there poking her head around into the room.

“Yeah, come on in,” Kokoro coaxed her. Lisa quietly shut the door behind her as she walked into Kokoro’s room and then made her way over to Kokoro’s bed.

“Did you ever go to sleep?” Lisa asked her, sitting on the edge of her bed.

“For a little bit. You?” Kokoro replied.

“Not yet. I’m afraid of what will be there when I do,” Lisa told her. Kokoro had been surprised when Lisa told her that she had been having nightmares, but it made sense. Hell, they should all probably be having nightmares, but Kokoro would never have figured that Lisa would be the one to come to her for help.

“Want to try?” Kokoro asked her.

“A little,” Lisa answered.

“I’ll be up for the rest of the night, so I’ll be here to make sure that you’re alright,” Kokoro offered her. Lisa nodded her head and started to lie down beside Kokoro.

“Thanks, Kokoro,” Lisa told her.

“Don’t mention it,” Kokoro assured her.

“Seriously, don’t. Could you imagine what they would say if they found out?” Lisa chuckled.

“I doubt they would believe it. You’re way too much of a tough ass for them to believe it,” Kokoro laughed.

“Yeah, I guess we all have our faults, though.”

“Ay, that we do, Lisa, that we do.” It was silent for a moment as Lisa settled in, so Kokoro started fiddling with her ring again.

“You still think about him?” Lisa asked her. The question mildly surprised Kokoro, and normally, if one of the Vaizards asked her something like that she would have denied it, even though she knew that they weren’t fooled. But Lisa was showing her vulnerable side to Kokoro, so she figured she would return the favor.

“Every day,” Kokoro told her. “It’s not so bad when I’m up and about doing stuff, but whenever I just stop and try to relax or think for a moment, I can’t help it.”

“What do you think happened?” Lisa didn’t come right out and say it, probably to lighten the blow a little bit, but Kokoro knew what she was actually asking: Why didn’t he try to find them?

“I ask myself that same question every day,” Kokoro told her.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Lisa apologized.

“It’s not the question that hurts so much: it’s the answers that I come up with that hurt the worst.”

* * *

 

_“Damn it! I’m tired of just sitting around here and not being able to do anything!” Well, Kensei was at it again. It wasn’t too much of a shocker, really. He’d been on edge for a while now._

_“Kensei, there’s nothing that we can do right now,” Hachigen told him. Usually it would have been Kokoro or Shinji to tell him that, but right now, they were both partaking in a delicate procedure. Kokoro was doing her best to focus on cutting Shinji’s hair as straight as possible, and Shinji was staying as still as he possibly could so she wouldn’t mess up._

_“That’s bullshit! That bastard is probably laughing his ass off at us in Soul Society right now, and what are we doing about it?! Not a damn thing!” Kensei ranted._

_“That’s because there’s nothing that we can do right now. We have to wait and bide our time,” Lisa told him._

_“I’m with him! Why should we wait!? We should go in there and get our revenge on him and all the other bastards in Soul Society that abandoned us!” Hiyori yelled._

_“And what would that accomplish, Hiyori? We’d all die. We might have a few new surprising powers that’ll stall them for a while, but they’ll eventually catch on, and then what? We’ll get crushed, that’s what. That’s why we have to wait until we get the perfect opportunity so we don’t end up having our asses handed to us,” Kokoro explained to her. “Hell, we all want revenge, too, but you don’t see us trying to jump the gun and get ourselves killed.”_

_“Tch! You just don’t want to go back there and see the truth!” Hiyori challenged her._

_“Enlighten me to what that truth might be,” Kokoro retorted, trying to steady her hand above Shinji’s eyebrows so she could cut his bangs._

_“The truth that that precious captain of yours abandoned you! I bet he’s already got some other woman swooning for him now! He probably doesn’t even think about you anymore! You’re probably just some bad memory to him!” Hiyori shouted. Everyone was silent after Hiyori delivered that low blow, even Kokoro. Everyone knew that Hiyori had gone too far this time, except for her and Kensei of course._

_What finally broke the silence was a loud, metallic snap that resounded throughout the room. As Shinji looked up, he saw that Kokoro had crushed the scissors to pieces, and that her hand was now bleeding from where the metal had dug into her skin. He swallowed real hard as he realized that this was not going to end well at all._

_“What? The truth hurt, Kokoro-chan?” Hiyori mocked. And that was the straw that broke the camel’s back, as they say._

_“Go to hell, Hiyori,” Kokoro muttered._

_“What did you say?!” Hiyori screamed, not out of anger really, but out of pain. She didn’t think that Kokoro would ever say something like that to her, no matter how far she had pushed the woman._

_“I said that you can go to hell, Hiyori,” Kokoro reiterated, emphasizing each word as she did._

_“Why? Are you mad because she’s right?!” Kensei demanded. “Have you still not let go of the sickly bastard?! He left you, just like everyone else back there, and if you can’t accept that, then maybe you don’t belong here!”_

_“You know what? You can go to hell, too, Kensei. And if you want, I’ll even put you on the express lane,” Kokoro warned him._

_“What? You think that he’s gonna show up here, sweep you off your feet and rescue you so you two can go off and have some fairytale wedding and pop out a bunch of kids?! If you think that then-”Kensei was yelling, but Kokoro wasn’t even looking at him. She was staring down at her hand, more specifically, at the blood that dripping out of her closed fist._

_“Kensei-baka! Shut up! Leave Kokoro-chan alone!” Mashiro yelled, but this time, she wasn’t trying to annoy him. She was trying to save his ass, but her warning was too little too late._

_“I will not! That dumbass needs to get it through her thick skull that-”And the next thing that they all knew, Kokoro’s fist was becoming real personal with Kensei’s face._

_“You son of a bitch!” she screamed, grabbing him by the shoulders before he could fall back and throwing him on the ground. His body broke a nice chunk of floor where he landed, and before he could even try to move, Kokoro was on top of him and she was quite frankly punching the living hell out of him._

_“Don’t you dare pull that bullshit with me!” She screamed. At this point, the other Vaizards thought it as a good idea to try to get her off of him. It took all of them except for Hiyori and Hachigen to pry her off of him, and she was kicking and screaming the whole time._

_“You bitch!” Kensei yelled. That only fueled the fire even more. Kokoro broke away from the others like they were infants trying to hold a giant down. She grabbed Kensei by the throat and slammed him into the nearest wall, breaking a nice chunk off of that part of the warehouse, too._

_“What right do you think you have to tell me to move on, you prick?! It’s been twenty years and you’re still bitching and griping like a damn two year old! You think the rest of us don’t feel the same way?! Get over yourself, and don’t lecture me over how I deal with my past! Don’t you ever bring him up again! What I think about him and what happened between us is none of your damn business, and the day that there is any inkling that it is your business will be the day that they put my cold body in the ground!” Kokoro yelled. Her hand was getting tighter and tighter around Kensei’s throat, and she showed no sign that she would let up any time soon. She could hear her Hollow laughing in her head, and she was sure that her eyes were black and yellow by now, but she didn’t care. That was, until she felt the pair of arms around her waist._

_“Koko-chan, please don’t kill Kensei-baka!” Mashiro cried, and Kokoro could feel her tears against her back. That nickname and the way that Mashiro’s arms held her brought Kokoro back to a different place, a place that was much happier, a place that was centered around her former fiancé._

_“Let go of me, Mashiro,” Kokoro warned her. She was so angry at that point, that she was afraid she might actually hurt Mashiro._

_“I’m sorry, Koko-chan! Just let him go!” Mashiro cried. Kokoro couldn’t help the tinge of sorrow that she felt when she heard Mashiro cry, and her hand involuntarily loosened its grip around Kensei’s neck, allowing him to finally breathe again._

_“Let go,” Kokoro ordered, and Mashiro finally conceded. Kokoro started to storm away from all of them, not looking back once._

_“Kokoro!” Shinji called._

_“I don’t want to hear it!” she yelled._

_“K-Kokoro!” Hiyori called._

_“I said I don’t want to hear it! I don’t care what you have to say, especially not you!” Kokoro screamed, rampaging out of the warehouse and leaving everyone else behind her._

* * *

 

It took a long time for Kokoro to come back after that. She had lost control of herself and almost hurt one of her friends. Really and truly, she was way too mad to feel sorry for what happened, and Kensei and Hiyori should have shut their mouths anyways, so she really had no reason to feel sorry. She didn’t think she would go back at all for a long time, and she was quite comfortable staying with Kisuke, but after some begging and an apology from both Hiyori and Kensei, she finally decided to go back and try living there again.

It was on that day that the Vaizards learned that there was only so far that you could push someone, even someone as calm, quiet, and kind as Kokoro. They also learned just how heartbroken and damaged she was.

* * *

 

**In Soul Society…**  
“Oh, Jūshirō! ~” Shunsui sang as he entered his friend’s room.

“Ah, good morning, Shunsui,” Jūshirō greeted him, as he struggled to sit up.

“Ah, ah, easy now, Jūshirō. Feeling any better today?” Shunsui asked him.

“I can’t say that I do, but I don’t feel worse either,” Jūshirō told him, his statement being followed by a series of coughs raking through his body.

“You sound worse,” Shunsui pointed out.

“I’m sure I’ll get better soon,” Jūshirō assured him.

“You can’t get too much worse,” Shunsui commented. “Anyways, I came by to tell you that they found Rukia.”

“Oh. What have they decided to do?” Shunsui was quiet for a moment, which was enough to let his friend know the answer.

“They’re going to execute her,” Shunsui finally uttered.

“I see. Well, I’m not going to just sit here then,” Jūshirō stated, trying to get up.

“Ah, ah. Not yet. Give yourself at least one more day to rest, and then you can start thinking about getting up,” Shunsui told him. Jūshirō would have argued, but he really wasn’t feeling very well at that point.

“Fine,” Jūshirō conceded, lying back down.

“Good. You know, I’ve noticed something, if you don’t mind me saying,” Shunsui stated.

“Hm? What’s that?” Jūshirō asked him.

“You’ve been having a lot more of these episodes since, well, you know, she died,” Shunsui told him. Jūshirō was quiet for a moment as the image of the woman he loved flashed before his eyes, making his heart drop.

“Ah, you’re right,” Jūshirō agreed with him. “It’s a shame that the ones who survived left so quickly; I would have liked to at least known what happened to her, or where her body even was.”

“That would have been nice, but could you imagine how fast they would have been executed if they had stayed?” Shunsui pondered.

“Yes, but I’d hate to say that they deserved it before I heard their version of the story.”

He would hate to say it, but he wouldn’t hate to think it. Ever since Aizen had informed them of Kisuke Urahara’s experiments, of how he was trying to change Soul Reapers into Hollows, and of how the captains and lieutenants that they had sent out that day agreed for these experiments to be done on them so they could obtain more power, Jūshirō’s life hadn’t been the same. Aizen’s report also included the details of how the captains and lieutenants had turned into monsters, and also how they turned on his love, his Kokoro, and slaughtered her. There wasn’t even a body left to bury once they were finished. He could honestly say that he hated them because they ripped his heart right out of his chest when they took Kokoro away from him and out of his world forever….


	3. Chapter Three- When It All Started

_“Stupid, stupid, lazy ass lieutenant,” Kokoro grumbled. She was the **captain** of the Eleventh Division, the current **Kenpachi** but that lazy bastard still wouldn’t listen to her. If her lieutenant wanted to ever take over the Kenpachi title, it would have to happen by some miracle. He was lazy and obnoxious, and quite frankly, Kokoro wouldn’t mind it if someone came along and just kicked his ass one day **(AN: And we know who does that…)**. That man frustrated her to no end, and it was by some curse that she got stuck with him._

_“Kokoro-chan!~” a certain lovable captain sang._

_“Hm? What is it Shunsui?” Kokoro asked, turning around so she could look at him._

_“Nothing!~ I just saw you walking by and I figured I would join you!” Shunsui told her._

_“I see. Where’s your partner in crime?” Kokoro asked him._

_“Lisa? She’s right behind me Kokoro-chan,” Shunsui told her, giving her a funny look as he did so._

_“I know that! Oh, hey, Lisa,” Kokoro greeted. “I meant the other one.”_

_“Oh, your fiancé? You mean you’re not keeping tabs on him at all times?” Shunsui laughed._

_“I just so happen to trust him, so no, I don’t,” Kokoro countered, keeping a straight face._

_“Ah, he’s around here somewhere. I’m sure we’ll see him at the meeting,” Shunsui assured her._

_“Meeting?” Kokoro repeated. Lisa snickered in the background._

_“Oh, Kokoro-chan. Maybe Jūshirō should be keeping tabs on you,” Shunsui breathed, shaking his head._

_“Shunsui,” Kokoro warned._

_“You mean your lieutenant didn’t tell you?” Lisa asked her with a smirk._

_“Haha, just put salt in my wounds, why don’t you,” Kokoro muttered._

_“Old Man Yamamoto has called a meeting to discuss so recent events in the outer districts,” Shunsui finally told her._

_“Oh, that’s it?” Kokoro replied._

_“How much you want to bet that your lieutenant won’t be there?” Lisa joked._

_“Lazy bastard better be there,” Kokoro scoffed._

_“Still having problems with him, Captain Ono?” Kokoro looked behind her, only to find one of her closest friends and confidants behind her._

_“Oh, hey there Captain Unohana,” Kokoro greeted. “Amazing how you can still sneak up on me like that.”_

_“You can be quite unobservant when you aren’t in the field, Kokoro,” Unohana commented._

_“Thank you for reminding me,” Kokoro breathed._

_“Give the woman a break, Retsu! She has an important day coming up after all,” Shunsui announced._

_“Yep, not even a week away,” Kokoro commented. “I didn’t forget that, at least.”_

_“At least,” Lisa snickered._

_“Aren’t we going to be late to this meeting?” Kokoro asked them, trying to change the subject._

_“I’ll take that chance,” Lisa stated._

_“No we won’t, Lisa-chan!~” Shunsui sang as he pushed Lisa forward a little bit._

_“Yeah, Lisa,” Kokoro mocked._

_“Now, now, Kokoro, we shouldn’t resort to mockery,” Unohana reprimanded her._

_“Yes, Captain,” Kokoro conceded, starting her walk towards First Division._

_“Oh, Kokoro-chan!~” Shunsui called again. He was waiting for her a few feet away, and he didn’t have Lisa with him anymore._

_“Try not to be late,” Unohana told them as she passed them._

_“What is it, Shunsui?” Kokoro asked him as they started walking again._

_“Speaking of the wedding, I felt like it was about time for me to thank you, Kokoro,” Shunsui told her._

_“Thank me for what?” Kokoro wondered._

_“Thank you for making my best friend one of the happiest men alive, Kokoro-chan. You can’t even fathom how much happier he’s been since you’ve been around. He can’t stop talking about you, you know. When he told me that you said that you would marry him, I swear he was about to bust out in tears, Kokoro-chan. I have never seen him smile that big before,” Shunsui explained._

_“We both cried, actually,” Kokoro admitted to him. “When he asked me to marry him, that is.”_

_“That sneaky little…He denied it!” Shunsui told her, astounded._

_“Wouldn’t you?” Kokoro asked him._

_“Well, maybe, but Jūshirō? I can’t believe him!” Shunsui replied._

_“You’re not going to let him live that down, are you?” Kokoro laughed._

_“No, I’m not.”_

_“Just go easy on him, Shunsui.”_

_“I can’t guarantee that.”_

_“I know. I swear if that bumbling idiot isn’t in here…”_

_As the pair walked into the meeting hall, Kokoro looked to the Eleventh Division’s spot, only to see that her lieutenant was, in fact, not there. Her eye twitched in irritation. Her loving fiancé was already standing in the Thirteenth Division’s spot, but she seemed to look right through him as she walked over to where she was supposed to stand. Once he saw that her lieutenant wasn’t with her, he understood why she was so mad and he was certain that he would hear about it later._

_When the Captain-Commander walked into the room, everyone went silent, and he himself stayed silent as he let a few minutes pass to see if any stragglers would come in. But, of course, the only one missing just so happened to be Kokoro’s lieutenant, and when Yamamoto saw that, he just let out a breath and called for the meeting to start._

_If anyone had asked Kokoro what the Captain-Commander was saying, she couldn’t have told them. She was quite frankly not listening. She was irritated beyond belief at her lieutenant, and she was going to rip him a new one when she got back to her division. Instead of paying attention to what the problem in the outer districts was, she was thinking of all the negative things she wanted to say to that damn fool. The only reason that she knew that the meeting had even ended was because someone nudged her on the shoulder and snapped her out of her inner raging._

_“Kokoro-chan,” Jūshirō called._

_“I’m going to kill him,” Kokoro remarked, looking up to see that everyone else was already leaving the meeting hall._

_“I’m sure you will,” Lisa commented in the background. Kokoro turned so she could glare at her._

_“Kokoro, what was that meeting about?” Jūshirō asked her. Kokoro slowly turned back towards him._

_“Oops,” she commented, giving him an impish smile. Jūshirō let out a deep breath._

_“Told you so,” Shunsui laughed, causing Kokoro to turn her glare towards him._

_“I’ll tell you about it when I see you tonight,” Jūshirō assured her._

_“Thank you,” Kokoro told him, the shy grin returning to her face._

_“Aw,” Lisa cooed._

_“Silence, she-devil. I’ll catch you guys later. I’m gonna go kill my lieutenant,” Kokoro told them, giving them a small wave before she headed out of the building._

_“Wow, not even a kiss goodbye. She must really be mad at him this time,” Shunsui commented._

_“Poor soul,” Jūshirō agreed._

_“Think she’ll actually kill him?” Lisa wondered._

_“If she can find him,” Jūshirō told her._

* * *

 

_“That slimy bastard!” Kokoro fumed as she walked into Jūshirō’s home. It was starting to get late now, and there was no telling just how long Jūshirō had been waiting on her. She would have gotten there much sooner, but due to her lieutenant, she didn’t get that luxury._

_“Couldn’t find him?” Jūshirō asked her._

_“No! When I got back, he was gone, and he decided to leave a huge pile of unfinished paperwork for me! I swear, the nerve of that man!” Kokoro ranted, plopping down beside Jūshirō. He had been sitting on a few mats that he had set out not too long ago; he figured that she would probably be home late today, especially with the way that her lieutenant was acting._

_“I’m sure you’ll work it out,” Jūshirō assured her while he wrapped one of his arms around her._

_“Only if he turns into a completely different person,” Kokoro scoffed. She scooted closer to Jūshirō until she was against his side, and then she laid her head on his shoulder. Once she got comfortable, she let her eyes close just for a moment so she could savor that moment of peace._

_“You never know, Kokoro,” Jūshirō commented._

_“Meh, I’m over it now,” Kokoro stated, snuggling closer to Jūshirō, which made him smile to himself. She was actually pretty easy to calm down: a few reassuring comments and some human contact and she was set. At least, that had always worked for him._

_“So, what was that meeting about?” Kokoro finally asked._

_“Did you really not hear any of it?” Jūshirō laughed._

_“Nooo…”_

_“I swear, Kokoro. Maybe Shunsui is right and I should keep tabs on you.”_

_“Well, maybe I should keep tabs on you, too.”_

_“And why would you do that?”_

_“’Cuz.”_  
_“That’s not an answer, Kokoro-chan.”_

_“Sure it is. Now, tell me what happened at the meeting.” Kokoro quickly swung her leg around Jūshirō and hopped into his lap, putting her hands on his shoulders for balance. In all honesty, Jūshirō was kind of expecting it. He loved Kokoro to death, but she wasn’t one for any sort of official business, so meetings weren’t exactly her forte._

_“Something tells me you aren’t really interested in that…”_

_“Nope!”_

_“Try not to look so cheery about it, Kokoro. It actually was an important meeting.”_

_“Fine, enlighten me then, but please do make it quick.”_

_“I’ll do my best, trust me. There have been some concerning disappearances in the outer districts. They’ve been picking up, so Yamamoto-sama sent out a team earlier to look into them.”_

_“That’s it?”_

_“Well, yes but-” Kokoro cut his statement off in the best way that she knew how: by smashing her lips against his. Jūshirō wasn’t exactly going to reject her, either. He slowly slid his hands over her hips until they rested around her waist._

_“Well, isn’t that awkward?” Kokoro remarked, looking over at the black butterfly that was fluttering by her ear._

_“Emergency meeting?” Jūshirō commented, astonished._

_“I wonder who sent this one,” Kokoro sarcastically asked, staring the butterfly down as it flew away. She let out a deep breath as she climbed off of Jūshirō’s lap._

_“This better be important,” Kokoro muttered._

_“I second that,” Jūshirō agreed, leaning down to give his fiancé one more kiss before they left to go to the impromptu meeting._

_“I guess we’ll have to finish this when we get back, huh?” Kokoro teased._

_“Let’s not be late, Kokoro.”_

_“Now why would we be late, Jūshirō? Having an issue?”_

_“Let’s just get going, Kokoro.”_

* * *

 

_As it turned out, the meeting was actually important. The team that had been sent out earlier had gone missing, and Kokoro had been put on the rescue team. She didn’t get to talk to Jūshirō again before she left, but she did give him one last reassuring glance as she walked by him on her way out of the meeting hall. He gave her a small smile, one that said ‘I’ll see you when you get back’, before she had to leave._

_“Man, this blows,” Love commented as they made their way to the scene._

_“Tell me about it. It’s not like I had plans, or anything,” Kokoro agreed._

_“Ouch, that has to sting,” Rose commented._

_“Just a little,” Kokoro conceded._

_“You two will have plenty of time for that when we get back,” Shinji called._

_“Who says that was what we had planned?” Kokoro challenged._

_“You can’t fool us, Kokoro. The blush on your face tells it all,” Lisa told her._

_“I’m not-!” But as Kokoro tried to deny any blush on her face what-so-ever, her mild embarrassment betrayed her as an actual blush spread across her face._

_“I hate you all,” Kokoro grumbled, making her companions laugh._

_“Alright, let’s drop the fluffy shit. We’re almost there,” Shinji ordered. The group of Shinigami stopped their pursuit as they stumbled upon a light clearing. This was the spot where the team had gone missing, but there were no signs indicating that anyone had been there period. Kokoro’s instincts started flaring almost instantly; something strange was going on here, and she just knew that something bad was about to happen. Call her paranoid, but she wasn’t going to let down her guard anytime soon._

_“Hiyori?” Kokoro called, spotting the young girl in the distance._

_“Run!” Hiyori yelled._


	4. Chapter Four- Nothing Will Be The Same

_There were so many things that she should have done differently. She shouldn’t have let her damn lieutenant get under her skin that day. She should have just ignored his paperwork and gone home early to spend time with her amazing fiancé. She should have ignored the Hell Butterfly and said she was sick or something to get out of the meeting. She shouldn’t have gone on the rescue mission at all._

_But what would have happened if she hadn’t gone? Would they have sent Jūshirō instead? Would he have ended up in the same situation that she was in? Because if that was the case, then she didn’t regret anything that she had done that day. She would sacrifice anything to keep him safe, and if that was what she was doing by putting herself in danger like this, then she would do it a thousand times over if she had to. But, would she have to make the ultimate sacrifice in the end, so that her love and all of her friends could be safe? That was an answer that she did not have, not yet, anyways._

* * *

 

_“What the hell is going on?!” Kokoro shouted, dodging another punch from the creature that Kensei had become. She couldn’t even imagine what Hiyori had gone through, running for her life from this thing with no end in sight and no one around to help her. That would have been awful, and Kokoro was a little peeved that Hiyori had to go through that. She was also infuriated at the fact that something like this had happened to Kensei. Who in the world could have twisted such a strong person into a monster like this and force him to attack the people that he cared about?_

_“Just keep at it Kokoro! We have to find a way to restrain him without any more of us getting trashed by it!” Shinji told her. She knew where he was coming from; Love and Lisa were already down, and Hiyori wasn’t exactly in too good of a situation, either. Rose had taken some damage, but he was still moving around, so that was good, at least. The whole thing had started in the blink of an eye, really. One minute they spotted Hiyori running at them, and the next, all hell broke loose. Kokoro was trying to distract Kensei so the others would have less of a chance of getting hurt while they tried to figure out how to restrain him, but so far, they hadn’t been able to even try to do that._

_“Gah!” Kokoro’s head shot over to look at Rose when she heard him yell. That was a yell of extreme pain, but what concerned her most was what had caused that pain. Kensei was focused on her, so he hadn’t done it. What she wanted to know was what the hell else was out there?_

_“Rose!” Kokoro yelled, and then she saw it. It was a creature just like the one Kensei had turned into, once human, but now twisted and corrupted into something out of a nightmare. The mask that covered its face seemed to bleed its humanity away from it and blind it to its surrounding; it was like a wild animal, attacking everything near it for no more reason than to just simply kill. And that wild animal was unmistakably Mashiro, another friend of theirs that they would now have to fight against._

_“Shinji!” Kokoro screamed. Whatever had happened to Kensei and Mashiro was now happening to Hiyori. A mask had covered her face, giving her soulless, monstrous eyes that held no recognition or remorse for Shinji as she tore through him. It probably looked worse than it really was, but to Kokoro, it looked like a blood bath._

_She didn’t know what to do: everything around her was going to chaos. Her friends were all injured, and some of them had turned into Hollow-like rage monsters; she was alone out there. Her world was spinning out of control and any normal person would have probably run away by now. But, situations like these were what she thrived in, and her reactions to these situations were some of the main reasons that she was a successful captain in the first place. She didn’t want to fight her friends, but she was going to have to if she wanted to make it out of this alive and protect the rest of her friends while she was doing it._

_Whatever plans that she had been making, though, would have to wait. Before another thought could cross her mind, Kensei was swinging another punch at her, and this time, it hit. His fist tore over her side, tearing through the flesh there as easily as a wolf could shred through a hare. As she hit the ground, pain seared through Kokoro’s side and blood poured out of the fresh wound, soaking her captain’s haori which was now shredded in several spots._

_“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Kokoro breathed, trying to fight off the pain and compose herself. With shaky legs she rose to her feet, slowly pulling her haori off in the process. It always got in the way when she fought, and now was especially not the time for her to have any hindrances; her life and her friends’ lives all depended on it._

_“Hachigen!” Kokoro called. “Are you still with me?”_

_“Of course,” he called back, letting Kokoro know that she at least had one more ally that was able to help her. She had three opponents: Kensei, Mashiro, and Hiyori. Of the three, she had fought against Kensei the most already, but he showed no signs of fatigue at all. She would have to be careful, that was for sure, especially since she couldn’t give her full attention to just one opponent. If she did that, she was doomed to fail her mission, and that would have dire consequences._

_“Just wait for my signal,” she called back to Hachigen, and he made no arguments with her._

_She took a deep breath and analyzed her surroundings. Kensei and Mashiro’s murderous gazes were set on her, but Hiyori seemed to be in a daze and that was something that Kokoro would have to use to her advantage. For now, instead of three on one, it was two on one, making the odds in Kokoro’s favor slightly better, if only by a small fraction._

_“Alright, let’s do this,” Kokoro muttered, lowering herself into a fighting stance. She would fight them, but she refused to use her blade against them. Abominations or not, they were still her friends, and she would not kill them._

_Mashiro was the first to strike at her. She was on Kokoro as quick as lightening, pulling her leg back and unleashing a thunderous kick on Kokoro. She had been aiming for Kokoro’s freshly wounded side, but luckily Kokoro was quick enough to catch Mashiro’s leg in both of her arms. At that time, Kensei zoned in on the two, trying to throw in another punch at Kokoro._

_Kokoro, however, was ready for him this time, and she had a weapon, too. She took Mashiro by the leg and swung her at Kensei, making her take the impact from the punch and also knocking Kensei back. It wasn’t the most elegant of plans, but it was undeniably practical at the time. Kokoro had turned the tables, and it was now one on one; Mashiro seemed to have been knocked unconscious by the punch, leaving Kensei as Kokoro’s only opponent for a moment._

_Kensei didn’t even need a second to recuperate. He was back up in an instant and charging Kokoro once more like a stampeding bull. Kokoro’s plan to fight these Hollow-like creatures was simple: divide and conquer, and use their own strength against them. As Kensei was about to hit her, Kokoro jumped back a bit, and just like she had planned, Kensei kept coming at her. Every time he tried to hit her she would jump back even farther, like she was leading him. Her tactic seemed to enrage the beast even more though, and every hit had more and more power to it than the first._

_“Just a little more,” Kokoro thought. Kensei reared back for one more bone-shattering punch, and this time, Kokoro jumped away from him completely, making him punch through the giant tree that Kokoro had been leading him to. The tree’s trunk shattered, shooting out chunks of bark and causing the rest of the tree to fall down, and all of its weight fell onto the unsuspecting Kensei. Kokoro was mildly worried that the tree was heavier than she had originally thought, and that it would hurt Kensei more than she had intended it to, but as the rest of the tree shattered into pieces and the beast that Kensei had become roared in frenzy, she knew that that was quite opposite of reality._

_“Well that was a flop,” Kokoro scoffed. Whatever had happened to Kensei made him a lot tougher than he already was, and that was not something that Kokoro had accounted for. She had wanted to keep as much distance as possible between her and the rage monster, but it seemed that that wouldn’t be possible. Kokoro was going to have to get up close and personal with Kensei if she wanted to do any damage to him whatsoever._

_This time, it was Kokoro that charged first. Kensei mirrored her movements, and as he tried to deliver yet another punch, Kokoro ducked under his fist and elbowed him in the abdomen as hard as she could. The hit knocked the wind out of him for a moment, but Kokoro knew that she didn’t have much time at all before he attacked her again. She quickly span under Kensei and popped up behind him, jumping up so she could kick him in the back of the head. Pain shot through her leg as it connected with the back of Kensei’s head, but as he fell over for a moment, Kokoro knew that she had found the opening that she was looking for._

_“Now, Hachigen!” She yelled, and with a grunt of approval Hachigen followed her order and began a Kido spell that would restrain Kensei. Kokoro hastily cleared away from Kensei so she wouldn’t be in the way, and took a moment to catch her breath._

_With Kensei down, she now had to worry about Mashiro and Hiyori. Hopefully, Hiyori would still be in a daze and Kokoro could focus on Mashiro, and if Mashiro was still knocked out from Kensei’s punch, then Hachigen would easily be able to restrain her, too. And it was at that moment that Kokoro realized her mistake. She had dropped her guard, and she only focused on one enemy when she had in fact been surrounded by them._

_“Kokoro!” she heard Shinji shout in the background, but his warning came too little too late. Kokoro quickly looked around her, trying to find her injured friends’ bodies, but none of them were where they should have been, not even Hiyori or Mashiro. That’s when Kokoro finally noticed their spiritual pressures; they had all changed, just like Kensei, Mashiro, and Hiyori’s all had. And that was not good, not good at all, in fact._

_She couldn’t even blink before the pandemonium broke down upon her. She hadn’t seen them coming; one moment she was standing on her own, the next, she was covered in her own blood and she felt nothing but pain. Lisa, one of her closest friends besides Retsu; Hiyori, the young girl she tried to be like an older sister to; Rose and Love, two of her favorite drinking buddies; and Mashiro, the girl that could always make Kokoro laugh even on the worst of days; all of them, all of her friends, had been taken over by the masks that didn’t even completely cover their faces yet. She could still look into their eyes, even though they were nowhere in there. Those cold dead eyes all stared at her as she gasped for breath and choked on her own blood instead._

_She had three swords stabbed through her body, one from Lisa, one from Rose, and one from Love, three people that she thought would never raise their blades to her. Hiyori didn’t even have her sword: she clawed her way through Kokoro’s uninjured side, the one that Kensei hadn’t already torn to hell. Mashiro had kicked her from behind, and whatever armor was covering her legs had cut through both Kokoro’s top and a nice section of flesh across her back. The kick should have knocked Kokoro forward a few feet, but with Rose and Love both in front of her and fighting against the force with their blades in her, she didn’t budge an inch._

_When considering the wound that Kensei had given her earlier, the only two that hadn’t attacked Kokoro were Hachigen, a man that she barely even knew, and Shinji; she was grateful that Shinji hadn’t succumbed to his forming mask yet, because if he knew that he had had a hand in this as well, he probably wouldn’t have been able to live with it. More blood forced its way out of Kokoro’s mouth, but she wasn’t paying any attention to it. She was ignoring the physical pain, as well, but the mental and emotional pain was too much for her to bear. As her vision blacked out, whatever force that was keeping her up went away, and with blades and all still in her, Kokoro fell to the ground. The only thing that was going through her mind, though, was a simple statement:_

_“I didn’t even get to tell him goodbye.”_

_And with that last thought, everything faded away for Kokoro, all of her pain, all of her fear, all of her sorrow, everything, and she went to a place so empty that none of those things existed there, where she embraced the nothingness merely for the fact that it didn’t hurt her._

 

_They had done it; they had taken their own friend down, and there was nothing that Shinji could do about it. He was frozen in his place; he couldn’t believe what had just_  
_happened. How could they have lost so much control of themselves and attacked Kokoro, of all people? Was there even any chance at all that she could have survived that?_

_He didn’t know who it was, mainly because they were moving too fast for him to see, but someone came out of nowhere and started cutting down the Hollow-like beasts that had basically destroyed Kokoro. Without them to hold her up, Kokoro fell to her knees, coughing up more blood as she went. Shinji looked right into her eyes, and as he did, he saw nothing but a blank, sorrowful, dying stare, and a single tear fall down her face. He couldn’t help but think of Jūshirō; that poor man had no idea what was happening to his bride. What would they tell him, when this night of hell was over?_

_Even when he figured out that the figure that had cut down the others was Tōsen, and even while he listened to Aizen rant about what he had done, about how he had fooled them all, Shinji couldn’t get the image of Kokoro falling to the ground out of his head. All of that blood…There was no way she could have made it. Aizen even made a note of that in his rant, saying how it was a shame that she had died before he could see how she went through the Hollowfication process. Even when he was about to be cut down himself, Shinji couldn’t get that image out of his head._

_When Kisuke and Tessai showed up, however, there was a ray of hope for Shinji and the others, but he couldn’t see one for Kokoro. She was just lying there, unmoving, alone, already dead or in the process of it, and there was nothing that he could do about it. He should have been grateful that he wasn’t in that situation himself, but when he tried to think like that, the image of Jūshirō popped back up in his mind, and the thought of what that poor man would go through once he heard of this made Shinji willing to trade places with Kokoro, just so those two could see each other again. But he couldn’t do that, sadly._

_Tessai tried his damnedest to heal Kokoro, but there was only so much he could do with all of that damage. She was hanging on by a thin thread, one that was about to break at any moment. They were afraid to move her, but they knew that they had to if she was to have any chance of survival. Her life was in the balance of their actions, and if they didn’t act quickly, it would be lost._

* * *

 

_Kokoro was surrounded by nothingness, a darkness that held no emotion in it. For a short time, she felt nothing but emptiness, and at that point, she was comforted by that fact. But as time pushed on, memories started to flood through her vision; memories of her past, memories of her friends, but the most prominent ones were the memories of her and Jūshirō. Those memories that once held so much joy for her now brought her sorrow; nothing would ever be the same for her again._

_She didn’t even know if she was going to live through this, much less have to deal with the aftermath of what had just happened her and the other captains and lieutenants. She fought and fought for consciousness, but it was a losing battle. It was like something was holding her back and keeping her from escaping the depths of the dismal pit that she was in, and that was not something that she was happy about._

_She didn’t know what would be waiting for her when she woke up, but she didn’t fear it, either. She would deal with whatever she had to so that she could live again; all she wanted, no, all that she needed was a second chance, so she could figure out what had happened to them and give whoever had used them the justice they deserved. Revenge was not the only thing that fueled her desire to live, though. She wanted to see Jūshirō again, even if it was only for a moment, so she could tell him what an amazing man he was and that he deserved so much more out of the world, and so she could tell him just how much she loved him, and, if the need arose, give him the farewell that they had been denied the privilege of._

_She didn’t want to die; there was nothing else to it. She wanted to live, and whatever was keeping her from that was going to have to get over itself, because she was not spending another moment in this empty place. She kept on struggling against the invisible force, and finally, after what felt like decades, she was able to see the thing that was holding her back._

_It was Kokoro herself, or so it seemed, and it was standing right in front of her. Everything about it looked just like her, the body, the hair, everything except for the mask that covered its face. It was like an ancient Greek tragedy mask, with sorrowful eyes that had black and red tears falling from them, blemishing the pure white face that they fell on. The black lips were barely parted, like the mask was letting out its own call of mourning, and streaks as red as blood were flowing from the edges of the mouth. The left side of the mask looked like it was cracking, giving it an even more tragic appearance._

_Kokoro reached her hand up and gently laid it against the mask, feeling the cool ghost-like material under her fingertips. She looked deep into the yellow eyes that were staring back at her, but no matter how monstrous they seemed, she didn’t look away from them, because she knew in her heart what this was. Whatever had happened to Kensei and Mashiro and all the others had happened to her, and these beastly eyes were her own. The Hollow duplicate let out a ravenous roar, but Kokoro did not flinch. Accepting this new part of her was the only way that she had to survive, and she refused to turn away from it._

_Suddenly, the Hollow started to disappear, becoming an energy that seemed to absorb right into Kokoro. She felt lighter, like the weight of death was no longer holding her down. The darkness around her seemed to fade, and she felt something wrapped tightly around her body keeping her warm. She heard a muffled noise in the background; it was like the sound of a woman in mourning, broken and crying to try to ease the pain. The woman’s cries sounded so familiar to Kokoro, and hearing them brought her closer and closer to consciousness…_

 

_“Lisa?” That was who it was; it was Lisa that had been crying. As the name left Kokoro’s mouth, the pain flooded back to her. Her entire torso was throbbing with pain, and as she opened her eyes, the light relentlessly attacked them. She brought her hand up to try to cover her eyes, and when she touched her face, she was relieved to find that there was no mask there._

_“Kokoro?” she heard Lisa cry. As Kokoro’s eyes finally adjusted to the light, she was able to open her them and look at her surroundings. She had no clue where she was; the room was unfamiliar to her and there was nothing in it that could have given any indication of where she was. But, Lisa was there, with tears streaming down her face and an astonished look in her eyes._

_“I feel…like I got stepped on by a Menos Grande or something,” Kokoro laughed, and although each laugh brought on a new pulse of pain, they were worth it._

_“It’s not funny!” Lisa cried, crawling over towards Kokoro. “It’s not funny at all, you crazy bitch.” Lisa laid her head on Kokoro’s collarbone and just let all of her tears out there._  
_Kokoro just smiled and reached up so she could gently rub Lisa’s back as she cried._

_“I thought you were dead. **WE** thought you were dead,” Lisa cried, her body practically convulsing as she did so._

_“I kind of thought I was, too. But, I guess I’m not,” Kokoro assured her. “I have a severe lack of clothing on under this blanket, don’t I?”_

_“Just a little. I mean, the majority of your torso is wrapped up, so you don’t have much to worry about really,” Lisa sniveled, looking up at Kokoro again._

_“Are you really alive, or am I going crazy?” Lisa asked her._

_“You might still be going crazy, but I’m here, and trust me, I’m not going anywhere,” Kokoro told her, giving her a pat on the head._

_“Thank goodness,” Lisa breathed._

_“Where is everybody else?” Kokoro asked her. “Well, actually, where are we?”_

_“In the World of the Living; Kisuke, Tessai, and Captain Shihōin saved us and brought us here. Everybody else is outside,” Lisa answered. “You don’t understand, Kokoro. Tessai just came out and told us you were gone.”_

_“And you came in here so they wouldn’t see you cry,” Kokoro stated, and Lisa nodded in agreement. Kokoro slowly sat up, bring Lisa up with her._

_“Don’t tell me they’re beating themselves up about this,” Kokoro muttered._

_“Why wouldn’t we? We did this to you, Kokoro!” Lisa cried._

_“No, you didn’t,” Kokoro replied. “I don’t know who did this to us, but whoever it is, this is their fault.”_

_“But,” Lisa started, but Kokoro held her hand up to cut her off._

_“No ‘buts’, Lisa. Now go get everyone so they can stop kicking themselves already,” Kokoro told her. Lisa just chuckled and stood up to do what she was told. When she walked out of the room, Kokoro took a moment to look down at herself. Her entire chest was covered in bandages, and as she looked under her blanket, she saw that her stomach was, too. Her legs had a few bandages on them, but what really caught her eyes were the obnoxiously short shorts that she had been put in. She couldn’t help but wonder who had changed her into them…_

_“What are talking about, Lisa? She’s gone! Just let us-” Shinji had been the one ranting as he walked to the room, but as soon as he opened the door, he was at a loss for words._

_“What in the world?” he gasped, falling to his knees._

_“KOKO-CHAN!!!!” Mashiro screamed as she jumped into the room, knocking Shinji over in the process. She ran to Kokoro, wrapping her arms around her and squeezing Kokoro to the point that she couldn’t breathe._

_“Ma…shiro,” Kokoro gasped, patting her on the back and trying to tell her to ease up._

_“Let go! She can’t breathe, you idiot!” Hiyori yelled, prying Mashiro off of Kokoro. As soon as Mashiro was off, Hiyori just sat there for a moment and stared at Kokoro until tears started rolling down her face._

_“I thought you were dead, you idiot!” she cried, wrapping her arms around Kokoro, but not nearly as tight as Mashiro had._

_“Whew! You gave us a scare there, Kokoro-chan,” Love commented, taking his glasses off and wiping something off of his face. Rose wasn’t too far away from him, trying to compose himself before he said anything. They must have really thought that she was dead, and that broke Kokoro’s heart to know that they were so sad because of her._

_“Hey, Kensei,” Kokoro called to the silent man._

_“What?” he called back from his corner._

_“I totally beat your ass, just so you know,” she told him._

_“What?! Bullshit!” Kensei yelled._

_“Nope,” Kokoro stated._

_“And just so you know, I was the one who changed your clothes,” Yoruichi told her, kneeling behind Kokoro and laying her chin on her shoulder._

_“Thank you,” Kokoro told her, reaching up and patting the side of Yoruichi’s head._

_“I enjoyed it,” Yoruichi added._

_“I know you did,” Kokoro commented._

_“Was I wrong?” they heard Tessai ask as he walked in the room._

_“I was!” he declared, although he looked absolutely thrilled about that fact._

_“She’s alive?!” Kisuke shouted, running into the room._

_“No, I’m faking it,” Kokoro laughed._

_“That’s not funny! We thought you were done for!” Kisuke indignantly replied._

_“So I’ve been told,” Kokoro commented._

_“How are your wounds?” Hachigen asked her. He didn’t really know Kokoro that well, but he still seemed happy that she had made it._

_“A little sore, but I’ll live,” Kokoro told him._

_“You are such a whore for scaring us like that,” Lisa told her, shaking her head, although she had a smile on her face._

_“I know, I know. Forgive me, will ya’?” Kokoro replied._

_“I’ll think about it,” Lisa conceded._

_Even with everyone around her making such a fuss and bustle, Kokoro couldn’t help but let her thoughts wonder. If they were in the World of the Living, then they must have been forced to leave Soul Society. If they had been forced to leave, then whoever did this to them must have made it back to the Gotei 13 first and told them some bullshit story. Her question was, however, what had they said about her? What did they tell Jūshirō had happened to his fiancé?_

* * *

 

**_Back in Soul Society…_ **

_Jūshirō knew that something was wrong as soon as the Captain-Commander called for another emergency meeting. He had met up with Shunsui on the way, and he could tell by the look in the other man’s eyes that he knew something was wrong as well. They were the last two to show up for the meeting, so as soon as they took their places, the meeting started. It was surprising before it even began due to the fact that Kokoro’s lieutenant had actually bothered showing up to it, and that was an omen in and of itself._

_The Captain-Commander started off by saying that the rescue operation had not gone according to plan, and that something had gone terribly wrong. That was enough to make Jūshirō’s heart drop, but when the Captain-Commander called Aizen out to explain what he had found, Jūshirō feared for the worst._

_Apparently, Kisuke Urahara, Captain of the Twelfth Division, had been performing experiments on turning Soul Reapers into Hollows to increase their power, and the captains of the Third, Fifth, Seventh, and Ninth Divisions, plus the Ninth Division lieutenant, Shunsui’s lieutenant, a member of the Kido Corps, and Kisuke’s own lieutenant, had all agreed to be part of these experiments. The experiments had evidently turned the captains and lieutenants into Hollow-like, uncontrollable beasts, and while Aizen and his team had been able to fight off these beasts, Kisuke Urahara and his accomplice that was also from the Kido Corps, Tessai Tsukabishi, attacked them and they were forced to retreat. The two were had later been apprehended, but it seemed that the Second Division captain had decided to betray the Gotei 13 and help the criminals and the beasts all escape from Soul Society before their sentences could be carried out._

_Aizen forgot to mention one person, however, but Jūshirō didn’t have the heart to ask the question himself. The Captain-Commander looked at Jūshirō and immediately knew the question that he wanted ask, but the Captain-Commander hardly had the heart to ask it either. Everyone in the room could feel the lingering tension and sadness, but no one wanted to ask. It was like they already knew the answer, but they just didn’t want to admit it to themselves._

_“And what about the captain of the Eleventh Division?” Shunsui finally asked. The room went silent for a moment, but finally, Kaname Tōsen walked forward. In his arm was a folded piece of red and white clothing, and as he handed it to Aizen, Jūshirō’s heart was beating faster than it ever had. Once the garment was in Aizen’s hands, he unfolded it and a series of gasps were heard throughout the room. It was the captain’s haori of the Eleventh Division, Kokoro’s haori. It was shredded in several areas, but most importantly, it was covered in blood. Jūshirō knew what was coming, but he just didn’t want to hear it._

_“The captains and lieutenants that transformed into Hollows turned on Captain Ono and attacked her. I’m sorry to say that she did not make it,” Aizen announced. And the sad part was, Aizen didn’t even know that he was lying._

* * *

 

_There were so many things that she should have done differently. She should have been faster and stronger, but she wasn’t. In the end, she wasn’t good enough to save her friends or herself. In the end, she may not have had to give her life, but in her mind, she did have to make one of the ultimate sacrifices. She failed her Kenpachi title, she failed her friends, she failed Jūshirō, and she failed herself. She shouldn’t have let her guard down; she should have known Aizen was up to something. She should have listened to her gut and ran. She did lose her life that day, in a sense. She had lost a good majority of her friends, and her division, but most importantly, she lost the love of her life. She didn’t know if she would ever see any of them again, or what would happen if she did see them, if they would embrace her or attack her for being a monstrosity._

_The question that would rake through her mind for the next century was clear and simple: was all that loss worth it in the end?_


	5. Chapter Five- Decisions and Regret

Decisions, decisions: they can change everything in an instant. Everything about your life, everything about you, everything that you know, can all be changed in the blink of an eye by a single decision. And if you make the wrong decision, it can lead to one of the greatest detriments to the human soul: regret. Regret will eat a man from the inside out and not give him a second thought; it will leave him with nothing left of himself, nothing to hold on to, nothing to redeem. Regret can bring the strongest of people to their knees and it can blind them to whatever lies before them, whether that be the future or something as noble as a way of redemption.

Kokoro tried not to regret any of the decisions that she had made, if only for the simple reason of moving forward. She couldn’t help but wonder, though, what would have happened if she had done things differently. Would it have even mattered if she hadn’t gone with the rescue team? She doubted that they would have died without her, but would they have still been put in the same situation? With or without her, they still would have become Vaizards, and they still would have had to flee to the World of Living for their lives; Aizen had made sure of that by returning to the Gotei 13 before Kisuke could and by telling them a twisted version of the truth. If it hadn’t been for Yoruichi, Kisuke would have been stripped of his Shinigami powers and exiled and the rest of them would have been killed for something that they had no control over. Now, they were all exiles, waiting for the perfect time to strike the one who had betrayed them all to begin with.

The only time that Kokoro really regretted going with the rescue team was when she thought about everything that she had left behind. She loved the rest of the Vaizards to death, and they were like family to her now, but there were just some people that couldn’t be replaced in her life. She missed Retsu, the woman that had helped to redeem her in one of the most difficult times of her life, the woman that had taken her under her wing and befriended her when no one else would. She missed Shunsui, too; he was like a big brother to her, always making her laugh and giving her a shoulder to lean on when she needed, and he was the one that had introduced her to Jūshirō in the first place. And of course, most of all, she missed Jūshirō.

In just a few more days, they would have been happily married and none the wiser to the plight of the Vaizards, and they would have been blissfully ignorant to the betrayal of Aizen. As it turned out, Jūshirō was the one who was oblivious to Aizen’s scheme, and there was no telling what he thought of Kokoro now. Maybe Hiyori was right: maybe he had already moved on, unwilling to wait for a woman that had been turned into a monster. Maybe that was why he didn’t try to come after her; maybe he had given up on her, on them. She had been thinking about that a lot lately. Maybe she was a fool for sitting there and reminiscing over a piece of jewelry that may or may not have lost its meaning, and maybe, just maybe, it was all for naught, but the one thing that could make regret fall to its knees was hope, and she still had hope for her love. Maybe when it was all said and done, if she survived long enough to see Aizen put in his place as the true criminal that he was, she would be able to see Jūshirō again, and hopefully, he would be willing to give their love a second chance. That was assuming that she lived that long, however.

“We need you, you know.”

“Hm?”

“I know that look on your face,” Lisa stated, sitting up on the bed beside Kokoro.

“What look?” Kokoro hummed, twirling her old engagement ring in her fingers again.

“The one you have now,” Lisa told her, and she gently reached over and took Kokoro’s hands in her own. The ring and the chain that it was hanging on both fell back in their place against Kokoro’s chest, near her heart.

“The one that says you’re thinking about the past again, how it could have been different,” Lisa continued. “I know this may not be what you want to hear, but I think that everything that happened back then happened just as it was supposed to. You lost a lot, probably more than the rest of us combined, but we needed you, and we still do. When we all thought that you were dead, and somehow, by some miracle, you came back to us, Kokoro, you gave us all hope. None of us would have been able to live with your blood on our hands, and you didn’t let us. You pulled through, and that gave us hope, Kokoro, that maybe we could turn things around one day. And you didn’t stop there, either. You kept us strong, and you didn’t let your own burdens show for so long while we aired ours to the world, and that day when it was just too much for you, we realized just how much we had been depending on you. Hell, we needed you so much that Hiyori and Kensei BOTH apologized to you.”

“Yeah, I doubt that’ll happen again,” Kokoro laughed, but her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I know that you miss him, Kokoro,” Lisa added, “And I swear, on my life, that I will make sure that you see him again one day. I at least owe that much to you.”

“Jeez, I must really look blue if you’re giving me a heart-felt speech, Lisa,” Kokoro commented.

“Hey! I can be sincere if I want,” Lisa scoffed.

“It seems so,” Kokoro agreed. “Did you sleep well?”

“Eh, alright, I suppose, compared to any other night,” Lisa told her, ending her answer with a yawn and finally letting go of Kokoro’s hands. Kokoro quickly tucked her ring back between her breasts, and then stood up to stretch out her stiff muscles.

“It is morning time, right?” Kokoro wondered.

“Yes, Kokoro, it’s morning time,” Lisa snickered.

“Don’t make fun of me,” Kokoro whined. “At least wait until noon for that.”

“Fine, fine. Wanna take an early morning bath together?” Lisa suggested.

“Shouldn’t you be heading back to your own room so nobody knows that you came in here last night?” Kokoro countered.

“What? You don’t want them to know about our juicy love affair?” Lisa teased, climbing off of Kokoro’s bed and making her way to the door.

“Haha, aren’t you just a riot?” Kokoro jeered.

“I am, and you know it,” Lisa stated, opening the bedroom door, but as she did so, something, or somebody as it were, fell into the room, startling both of the women inside.

“Shinji! Were you eavesdropping again?” Kokoro probed him, but judging by the blood that was dripping out of his nose, she could tell that he had at least heard the last part of the conversation.

“Uh-oh, now he knows, Koko-chan,” Lisa cooed. “I guess we’ll have to convince him not to tell anyone.”

“And how would we do that?” Kokoro asked her, deciding to play along with her for a moment. The shocked look on Shinji’s face was almost too much for her to bear, but he deserved to be tortured a bit for eavesdropping yet again even though she had warned him several times to stop.

“I don’t know. You think maybe we could, you know, let him in for a night?” Lisa suggested, almost making Kokoro burst out in laughter.

“Let me in?” Shinji stuttered. “What do you mean?”

“What do you think she means, Hirako-kun?” Kokoro cooed. She didn’t think that it was possible, but by some miracle, his eyes got even wider, and just to prove that he knew what they were suggesting, more blood started pouring out of his nose. Kokoro just couldn’t hold it in anymore; she started heaving with laughter, and once she started, Lisa couldn’t help but join her.

“Alright, perverts! Out! Let me get dressed in peace!” Kokoro shouted, pushing the two of them out of her room and shutting the door behind them, locking it for good measure.

“Let him in,” Kokoro laughed to herself. “What a riot…”

* * *

 

When Kokoro walked into what she would assume was the Vaizard’s ‘living room’, everyone else was quiet, save for the snickering in the background. As she passed by Shinji, she couldn’t help but chuckle when she saw the pieces of tissue stuffed up his nose.

“Quiet,” he grumbled, and he looked ever so disappointed as he did do, which made Kokoro laugh even harder.

“What in the world is so funny?” Hiyori demanded. Obviously, Lisa hadn’t quite told everyone what had happened. If Kokoro had to guess, she would say that Lisa hadn’t actually told anyone at all, but when it came to things like these, Love picked up on them quicker than any of the other Vaizards. He probably put two and two together. He knew that Lisa would occasionally go to Kokoro’s room at night when she couldn’t sleep, and he also knew that Shinji would occasionally eavesdrop on Kokoro’s room and Lisa’s room just for the hell of it, and he probably figured by Lisa’s constant snickering and Shinji’s disgruntled behavior what had happened, and if he knew, then good ole Rōjūrō Ōtoribashi (or Rose) definitely knew about it, too. Kensei probably didn’t care to know, and Mashiro wasn’t even in the room, so that marked them out. Hiyori obviously didn’t know, and she probably would have been sick if she did, and poor Hachigen was probably better left out of it; there was no need to scar the poor man.

“It’s nothing, Hiyori, trust me,” Kokoro assured the young girl. Poor Shinji was probably embarrassed enough as it was, and he definitely didn’t need Hiyori hounding him, too.

“Yep, it’s nothing at all,” Lisa agreed, practically singing with laughter.

“You two are awful,” Rose cackled.

“In my defense, she started it,” Kokoro stated, holding up her hands for effect.

“I’m sure it just hurt you so bad to go along with it,” Love snickered.

“Eh,” Kokoro shrugged. “I’m sure he learned his lesson, though.”

“What lesson?” Shinji piped in.

“Don’t eavesdrop in a lady’s room and you won’t get played, son,” Kokoro laughed, causing his face to drop. At that point, Kensei picked up on what had happened, and even Mr. Broody couldn’t help the smirk that crossed his face.

“What? You not gonna say how childish they were or something?” Shinji asked him.

“Nope,” Kensei answered, not even looking up from where he had been adjusting his gloves. Poor Shinji just couldn’t catch a break, and that just made his fellow Vaizards laugh even more at him.

“KOKO-CHAN!” Mashiro’s yell was enough to cut all of the laughter short, and as the screech rang throughout the warehouse and their eardrums, it also aggravated a certain silver-headed Vaizard.

“Could you be any louder?!” Kensei yelled at her, his mood changing in an instant.

“Don’t tempt her,” Shinji muttered.

“What is it Mashiro?” Kokoro called, walking towards the broken edge of the floor level that they were on.

“Yoruichi’s outside! She wants to talk to you!” Mashiro told her, lowering her voice, although it was only by a little bit.

“Shut up!” Kensei yelled.

“No, you shut up, Kensei-baka!” Mashiro yelled back.

“Alright, just let me get through here before you two tear the place down,” Kokoro breathed, jumping off of the ledge and quickly making her way towards the entrance of the warehouse as she landed on the ground. She could still here the two arguing as she walked outside, which only made her shake her head at how childish they could be sometimes.

“Kokoro! How have things been while I was gone?” Yoruichi called. She was across the dirt road that was in front of warehouse, but instead of seeing the purple-headed woman that she was expecting, Kokoro only saw a small black cat.

“You know, you really sound like a man in that form,” Kokoro commented, walking over to the cat and picking it up. She held it at arm’s length for a moment as she stared it down, but she finally gave in and hugged the cat tightly to her chest.

“You didn’t even tell me you were leaving, you hag!” Kokoro shouted, holding Yoruichi tighter and smothering her against her significantly plump breasts. She held her there for just a little longer, making sure that her message got through before she loosened her hold on the black cat.

“Those things…are deadly,” Yoruichi breathed.

“I know!” Kokoro agreed in a singsong voice, nuzzling her head against Yoruichi’s soft fur.

“I swear, you and Kisuke both,” Yoruichi muttered.

“If it makes you feel any better, I prefer dogs,” Kokoro admitted.

“You would, wouldn’t you?” Yoruichi commented. “Have you been taking care of things at the shop for me?”

“Of course. What would they do without one of us girls there?” Kokoro told her, finally putting her longtime friend back on the ground. “Have you heard about the kid yet?”

“Who, Ichigo? Of course I have. That’s why I’m here, actually,” Yoruichi told her.

“Oh, damn. And here I thought you were just saying hi as you passed by,” Kokoro huffed.

“I’m afraid not,” Yoruichi stated.

“So what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong really. It’s just…You know that Kisuke is sending Ichigo into Soul Society, tonight actually. I trained two of his friends to go, as well.”

“Orihime and Sado?”

“The very ones. Anyways, I came here because Kisuke has a request for you.”

“A request?” As Kokoro repeated the words, she couldn’t even imagine what Kisuke wanted this time. It was probably important if he sent Yoruichi all the way out there to ask her, but there was no telling what he actually wanted from her, and that was enough to make Kokoro antsy.

“Yes, a request. Now, it’s totally understandable if you don’t want to do it, but we could really use the help.”

“Well, what is it?”

“Alright, just try not to shoot this down before you think about it.”

“I won’t, now what is it, Yoruichi?”

“Kokoro, you know that Ichigo doesn’t exactly have control over his Hollow right now, and if things got out of hand in Soul Society, I’m not sure if I’d be able to help him without killing him in the process.”

“And?” Kokoro had a feeling that she knew where this was going, and she hoped that she was wrong.

“Well, none of the others could go with us and not be found out, so you’re really the only option. Kokoro, we want, no, we need you to go to Soul Society with Ichigo.” There was no way that Kokoro could have heard her wrong; Kisuke actually wanted her to go to Soul Society just to keep an eye on this kid. What in the world was he thinking, asking her of all people, to do that?

“What?!” You would think that after what had happened to Shinji earlier that morning, they would learn not to eavesdrop, but that was obviously not the case. As the other Vaizards emerged from the warehouse, Kensei practically stormed across the road until he was standing right in front of Yoruichi.

“Why on earth would you ask her to do that?” Kensei demanded.

“Look, I know that it might put all of you at risk, but,” Yoruichi started, only to have Kensei cut her off.

“To hell with the risk to us! What about her? Do you have any idea what that’ll do to her, to go back there and see all of them?” Kensei seethed, shocking Kokoro. She had figured that he came out there to yell about how it was stupid for her to go there and take a chance on them finding her and endangering the rest of them, but here he was, showing concern for her emotional well-being. If that wasn’t a surprise, then she didn’t know what the hell one was.

“That kid is not worth it!” Kensei added.

“Well, what do you think Kokoro?” Yoruichi asked her.

“I, uh,” Kokoro stuttered. Deep down, she knew what she wanted to do, but she didn’t want to make a hasty decision without the consulting the other Vaizards first. They were at as much risk as she was, even though they weren’t the ones that would travel into the Seireitei.

“Why don’t you just think about it for a bit, and if you don’t show up later on, then I’ll know the answer was no,” Yoruichi told her, jumping off as she finished her statement.

“Man, that wasn’t what I expected,” Kokoro breathed, running her hand through her hair and walking back towards the warehouse.

“Don’t tell me you’re actually thinking about it,” Kensei muttered, although he already knew the answer.

“Of course I’m thinking about it,” Kokoro told him.

“Then why didn’t you go ahead and go with her?” Lisa asked her.

“Because, if I get caught, you guys will be in just as much danger as me,” Kokoro answered.

“Pfft, we’re not worried about you getting caught,” Shinji commented.

“It’s up to you, Kokoro-chan,” Rose told her.

“Can you handle going back there and seeing them again, seeing him again?” Love asked her.

“I don’t think that the runt is worth it,” Hiyori scoffed.

“If it’s going to make Koko-chan sad, then I don’t want her to go,” Mashiro added. Kokoro was quiet as she thought for a moment.

“You mean you guys really aren’t curious?” Kokoro finally asked them.

“About the kid?” Shinji replied. Kokoro shook her head in reply. Sure, the kid was interesting, and he would eventually need their help with his Hollow, but Kokoro stood by her point that they should leave him alone until it was absolutely necessary that they intervene.

“About what happened after we left?” Lisa tried, and Kokoro nodded in agreement this time.

“Not if it’s going to cause you pain to find it out,” Rose commented.

“Why should we care? They didn’t try helping us,” Hiyori huffed, making a good point, but giving it half-heartedly. She wanted to know what was going on, just like everyone else did, even if they didn’t want to admit it. They wanted to know if people still remembered them, if they mourned for them or just cast them off as monsters without trying to hear their side of the story. The answer to their curiosity, though, was something that mildly frightened them all.

“Although, it would be good way to see what that bastard is up to,” Shinji offered, referring to the one that had caused all of this in the first place: Sōsuke Aizen.

“That is precisely what I was thinking,” Kokoro agreed.

“Shit,” Kensei scoffed, running his hand over his face. “Just don’t make me regret actually letting you go.”

“Let’s hope I don’t end up regretting it,” Kokoro breathed.

“Just be careful,” Hachigen told her, finally piping into the conversation.

“I will, I will. I’m not going to compromise what we have here,” Kokoro assured him.

“Didn’t think you would,” Love hummed.

“Well then, I guess I shouldn’t keep Yoruichi waiting,” Kokoro commented.

“Good luck, Kokoro-chan,” Rose encouraged her.

“I want full details when you get back,” Lisa added.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Kokoro chuckled.

“Don’t get caught like a dumbass,” Hiyori scoffed, but Kokoro was sure, that in her own little way, Hiyori was wishing her the best of luck, although she could have been wrong.

“I’ll be sure to try, Hiyori,” Kokoro chuckled, starting to turn away from her comrades.

“Hey,” Shinji called, causing Kokoro to look back at him.

“If you feel like you can’t handle it at any point, don’t be ashamed to just walk away,” he told her. Kokoro didn’t say anything else, only giving them one more small, unsure smile before she Shunpo’d off into the distance.

* * *

 

“Kokoro-san?” Kokoro looked down at the little girl that was standing in front of her and gave her a gentle smile.

“Hey there, Ururu! Did you miss me?” Kokoro asked her, kneeling down to give the shy child a hug. She felt Ururu nod against her shoulder, answering her question without uttering a single word.

“I’m sorry, sweetie! I’ll try to come back more often once all of this mess has been fixed, alright?” Kokoro offered her.

“Okay,” Ururu agreed, making Kokoro smile as she let the little girl go.

“Hey, Jinta!” Kokoro greeted, patting the red-headed boy on the head.

“Did you miss me, too?” she asked him, causing the boy to let out an angsty huff, yet a small blush did creep across his cheeks. Kokoro couldn’t help grin at him.

“Where’s the boss at?” Kokoro asked them.

“Downstairs,” Ururu muttered.

“I see. I guess I’ll go down there and see him then,” Kokoro told them, patting both children on the head before she walked away from them.

“Behave while I’m gone!” she called back. She snickered when she heard Jinta huff again.

‘Downstairs’ was a bit of a loose term for the underground training room that Kisuke had built beneath his shop. There weren’t even stairs that lead down to the room, only an enormously tall ladder that Kokoro didn’t trust to not break under her. So, instead of climbing down it, she just jumped down the hatch. In her opinion, that was the much more exciting way of getting to the underground training room, although some of the other Vaizards strongly disagreed with her on that point.

“Still refuse to use the ladder, huh?” Yoruichi commented as Kokoro landed on the ground, sending dust flying around her.

“You know me and ladders,” Kokoro muttered.

“You’re a little later than I thought you’d be,” Yoruichi told her.

“Oh, so you just assumed that I would agree to this, huh?” Kokoro challenged.

“You’ve never refused to help Kisuke before,” Yoruichi observed.

“I’m not really helping him this time, though, am I?” Kokoro relied. “I just stopped by and took a look at the kid’s house, that’s all. He’s got a good family; if I were him, I’d have a hard time leaving them just to throw myself into danger.”

“Aren’t you doing the same thing?” Yoruichi wondered.

“Kind of,” Kokoro shrugged. “Our reasons are different, though, and while there is no more noble of a reason to put oneself in danger than to save a friend, I am much more prepared and qualified to do this than he is.”

“I think he might surprise you,” Yoruichi told her.

“I hope he does,” Kokoro conceded. “Where is the orchestrator of this whole shebang, anyways?”

“Kokoro-chan!~” As if on cue, Kisuke came out of nowhere and grabbed Kokoro, enveloping her in a hug so tight that it took her breath away.

“Why don’t you hug him like you hugged me, Kokoro?” Yoruichi suggested, with a sly look on her feline face.

“He’d enjoy that way too much,” Kokoro muttered, patting Kisuke on the back.

“I have something for you!” Kisuke cheered, pulling a rectangular box out of his robe and handing it to her.

“I can only imagine,” Kokoro mumbled, opening the box slowly, just in case. Inside it was a collar, a dog collar to be more specific. And to be even more specific, it was a spike collar, one that had a skull-and-crossbones tag hanging from it.

“A little grim, don’t you think?” Kokoro asked him, raising an eyebrow at the shopkeeper.

“Nope! And it will conceal your spiritual pressure from anyone around you, just in case they actually remember your reiatsu feels like!” Kisuke added, ever so cheerily.

“Well, gee, Kisuke, thanks for that boost of confidence,” Kokoro laughed.

“I do what I can!” he cheered.

“Just so we’re clear, I don’t owe you anymore,” Kokoro commented, taking the collar out of the box.

“No, not anymore,” Kisuke agreed, becoming much more serious than before.

“You know what to do if he loses control,” Kisuke reminded her.

“Yes, yes, I do, but let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” Kokoro agreed, taking her necklace from around her neck and handing it to him. She didn’t even have to tell him how important it was that he keep it safe for her; he knew how much pain she would put him through if something happened to her ring while it was in his possession.

“You never know,” Yoruichi added. “Now, assume the proper form, if you will, Kokoro-chan.”

“I’m getting to it,” Kokoro muttered, fastening the dog collar around her neck.

“See? It matches her perfectly!” Kisuke happily announced.

“Bite me! I haven’t even changed yet!” Kokoro berated him.

“Then get to it,” Yoruichi told her. Kokoro gave her one more irritated glance before she shut her eyes. For a moment, Kokoro just focused on blocking out everything that was around her. She concentrated on her own reiatsu, trying to feel it and make it change to her will. As she felt her reiatsu start to change, she felt her body change as well. She felt the ground, not just beneath her feet anymore, but also under hands, and all of the smells in the room suddenly became much stronger to her, especially the feline stench that Yoruichi was putting off.

“That is quite a fitting look for you, Kokoro,” Yoruichi snickered in the background.

“At least I don’t sound like a man when I change!” Kokoro countered, her eyes shooting open to look at her feline companion. Yoruichi was not the only one who could change forms; Kokoro could, too, but instead of turning into a cat, she turned into its canine counterpart. And, as she stated before, her voice stayed the same and it didn’t turn masculine like Yoruichi’s.

“You know, you’re a pretty big dog,” Kisuke commented, and he wasn’t wrong when he said that. In her canine form, Kokoro’s head came up just above his hips, and if she stood on her hind legs, she would have at least been his height, if not taller. One thing was for sure, though: if it came down to it, she could definitely scare some Shinigami in this form. Who wouldn’t be afraid if a giant, solid black dog with a spike collar was chasing them?

“Maybe you’re just a small guy,” Kokoro countered.

“Just making an observation,” Kisuke defended.

“Sure you are,” Kokoro muttered, stretching her paws out in front of her.

“You know, I think I’ll take a nap. Wake me up when the soon to be ryoka get here,” Kokoro yawned, circling around a few times before she plopped down on the ground.

“Will do,” Yoruichi agreed.

As Kokoro closed her eyes, the unsure feeling that she had about this whole thing was washed away as slumber came over her. And of course, she dreamed about Jūshirō. She wanted to see him so badly, but she was so afraid of what she would find. She didn’t want to be selfish; she didn’t want him to suffer. If he had moved on from her, then at least he would be happy, right? And who was she to deny him happiness, whether she was the one to give it to him or not? At least she would be able to see Retsu and Shunsui again, even if she couldn’t talk to them. Her voice would give her identity away, but at least she would get the comfort of just being near them.


	6. Chapter Six- Into the Fray We Go

“Whoa! This room is so huge!” Kokoro cracked her eyes open, only to see that the ryoka had finally arrived. The one that had spoken was the only female in the group, Orihime Inoue, and she was in awe at Kisuke’s underground training room. If Kokoro had been in her situation, she probably would have been more focused on what was about to happen, but then again, Orihime was only a teenager, one that had been taken out of her relatively simple life and shoved into something that most people couldn’t have even comprehended. But at this point, it seemed that the only thing that Orihime couldn’t comprehend was the room that she was in, and she seemed almost blissfully ignorant of what she had gotten herself into.

“That was a beautiful reaction,” Tessai cried, getting down on his knee and taking Orihime’s hand in his own. Kokoro would never understand that man…

As Kokoro stood up, she threw her paws out in front of her and stretched her back out as far as she could. That was the best thing about being in her canine form: it was so easy to stretch in and she could stretch out so many more muscle than in her human form! Once she was done stretching, she quickly shook out her fur and pranced her way over to the group that she would soon be traveling with. She was surprised that the Quincy had actually shown up, but stranger things had happened, she supposed. The person whose eye she caught first was none other than the orange-haired substitute Shinigami himself, Ichigo Kurosaki. It was hard to believe that he was one of them and that he had a Hollow inside him just like they did; he was so young, and even through that pissed off scowl that he always wore, it was easy to tell that he had a good heart. It was a shame, really, that he was going through all of this, but then again, it was also a shame and just as unfair that the Vaizards had been through everything that they had been put through. As Kokoro stared the boy down, he stared right back at her, and Kokoro could only guess what his reaction to her would be.

“What the hell is that thing?!” Ichigo yelled, pointing in her direction. Kokoro just looked at him like he was an idiot. Of all of the reactions that he could have chosen, he had to choose the one that made him look like a complete dumbass…

“That is one of your guides!” Kisuke announced, being as cheery as ever.

“Our guides?” Orihime repeated. Kokoro couldn’t decide: was it innocence, or naivety that was rampant in the poor girl? Maybe it was both…

“Yes! Yoruichi will guide you, but just in case, we’ll also be sending Oro-chan here with you!” Kisuke explained.

“Oro-chan?” Kokoro thought to herself. “Way to be creative there, Kisuke.”

“But, it’s just a dog,” Uryū commented. Kokoro let out a deep bark, and just to prove a point, she Shunpo’d at the boy, stopping just in front of him, and even though she didn’t actually touch him, he still fell back, looking at her with shock and fear. Kokoro also couldn’t decide how she felt about this Quincy. From what she had heard, he was a bit of a smartass, and just a tad arrogant, but there just had to be something more to him than that. Him showing up to go to Soul Society in the first place had to prove that, right?

“Still think she’s just a normal dog?” Yoruichi asked him. Kokoro looked at the people around her for a moment. She made eye contact with Sado, and for a moment, the two just stared each other down. Kokoro easily walked over to him, and after another moment of nothing but staring, he finally reached down and petted her on the head, although he didn’t have to reach very far. Kokoro let out a happy bark as he scratched her behind the ear, and she heard Yoruichi snicker in the background. He was her favorite one by far, if only for the reason that he had petted her first. Plus, he was quiet; he didn’t add in his two cents to everything and he didn’t ask useless questions: he just sat back and observed, and that was something that Kokoro could respect, especially in a teenager.

“Oro-chan here will not only guide you, but she will also protect you if the need arises. Don’t underestimate her, now, because she is quite familiar with the Shinigami and with the Seireitei,” Kisuke explained. “And make sure you give her a chance to catch your scents, just in case she has to track one of you down.”

“She probably already has Sado’s,” Yoruichi snickered. Kokoro just glared at her.

“Alright!” Orihime cheered. “Hi, there, Oro-chan! I’m Orihime Inoue! Please come find me when you need to!” Orihime held her arm out to the black dog, and after taking in a deep breath, Kokoro caught onto her scent. She had to give the girl one thing: she had energy. She was going to need that in Soul Society.

Next on the list was Ishida, who was still knocked back on the ground. Kokoro just pranced on over to him and stuck her face right in front of his. She stared him down for a moment, as if giving him a warning, before she finally gave him a forceful whiff. As soon as she huffed, the Quincy tensed up, which caused Kokoro to smirk.

“I didn’t think dogs could get that big,” Ichigo commented. Kokoro walked to him next, but before she could sniff him, Kisuke took the end of his cane and knocked Ichigo right out of his body. Obviously, Orihime and Sado were rather tripped out by that, but instead of paying attention to them, Kokoro decided to mess with Ichigo a little bit. Before he could really get his bearings, she pounced on him and knocked him flat on the ground with her balanced on top of him.

“What the-!” Ichigo started to yell, but Kokoro was quick to cut him off with a nice sloppy wet lick to the face.

“Aw! She likes you!” Kisuke cooed.

“I wish she liked me a little less!” Ichigo shouted, trying his damnedest to wipe the slobber off of his face as the dog finally crawled off of him.

“K-uh, Oro-chan!” they heard Jinta call, causing Kokoro to tilt her head. Had he assumed that that would be her new alias? Or, had Kisuke somehow already told them about it? Or did he consult his employees for new name ideas for her? If that was the case, then she was severely disappointed in all of them...

“Go on and see what he wants, Oro-chan, while we get things rolling,” Kisuke told her. Kokoro made no arguments with him, trotting over to the boy that was waiting for her at the bottom of the ladder.

“Some skinny blond guy stopped by,” Jinta told her as she reached him. “He left this for you.” Jinta quickly pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and held it out towards Kokoro. She just looked at him for a moment.

“Unfold it Jinta,” Kokoro finally breathed.

“Oh,” Jinta murmured, obviously realizing his mistake. He easily unfolded the scrap of paper and showed the message to the on looking dog. It was a simple message, although Kokoro imagined that it was actually quite serious.

“Give that bastard at least one good bite for me,” was the message that Shinji had written on the paper, and Kokoro couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her throat. She found it hilarious, but she could almost guarantee that Shinji was dead-serious with his request, and, who was she to deny him?

“Oro-chan, we’re ready!” Kisuke called. With one last nod to Jinta, Kokoro quickly Shunpo’d back over to the traveling group. She got there right in time to see that the Senkaimon had already been open, and Yoruichi had also just finished her ‘pep-talk’ with the soon to be ryoka. They were now ready to venture through the Senkaimon and into Dangai, the space between Soul Society and the Human World. It had been a long time since Kokoro went through a Senkaimon, and just thinking about the last time that she had traveled through one sent chills down her spine. She hadn’t even been awake; she had been on the verge of death as Kisuke, Tessai, and her fellow Vaizards escaped to the Human World, and she couldn’t say that she regretted missing out on the trip, because it must have been nerve-wracking for them. The Senkaimon held a new sense of foreboding and dread to her, and she couldn’t help but think of that feeling as a sort of omen for their trip. She would definitely have to be on her guard, not only for her sake, but also for the sakes of the teenagers that were brave enough to make this journey in the first place.

Kokoro’s revelations were interrupted when she saw that her companions were now all going through the Senkaimon. As the teenagers all made it through the gate, Kokoro looked to Kisuke one last time.

“Don’t let them kill each other while I’m gone,” she requested, referring to the warehouse of people that she had just left. Kisuke nodded in agreement, and then Kokoro was off.

As soon as she was on the other side of the gate, she started sprinting. Orihime hadn’t started running for some reason, and Kokoro quickly nudged her until she started to. Once they were all running their little hearts out, Yoruichi finally took the time to explain what was coming their way. Kokoro was definitely not a fan of the Kōtotsu, which was the cleaner that swept through Dangai, or of the Kōryū, the current that flowed throughout Dangai. If they got hit by the Kōryū, they were done for, and if they got hit by the Kōtotsu they would be thrown around in time like ragdolls, so in the end, they were going to be rushed, and if there was one thing that Kokoro hated most, it was being rushed. And wouldn’t you guess it? They were barely in Dangai before the Kōtotsu started chasing them down and rushing them!

It seemed that no matter how much Yoruichi yelled at them, these kids just wouldn’t speed their asses up! The sweeper was gaining on them by the second, and the last thing that Kokoro wanted to do was explain to Kisuke how the kids had been lost before they even got to Soul Society! And the Quincy just had to be the one to start getting caught in the Kōryū! If it hadn’t been for Sado, that kid would have been history, but luckily for him, his little mini cape was the only thing that was history. They were getting so close to the end of Dangai, but the Kōtotsu was almost on top of them; that was when something caught Kokoro’s eye. Orihime had turned around, and although she couldn’t make out what the girl was saying over the roar of the Kōtotsu, she had a good feeling about what she was doing,

Before anyone could tell her to stop, Orihime summoned her shield, and no one was ready for what happened after that. They were all thrust forward and sent busting out of the other end of the Senkaimon, and everyone landed in a less flattering position than person next to them. Kokoro just so happened to land on top of poor Yoruichi, and the unfortunate cat’s life flashed before its eyes before Kokoro was able to roll off of it. The dog and the cat both each took deep breathes as they tried to compose themselves; of all the times that they had been through a Senkaimon, that had to have been the worst. As their teenage companions started to rise around them, the animals just stayed down for another moment, savoring its peace because they knew that the trip could only get longer.

“Fool!” Yoruichi yelled, finally jumping up from where she had landed. Kokoro rolled over onto her stomach, but she didn’t stand up yet, choosing to merely observe as Yoruichi scolded the poor girl.

“If any part of your Shun Shun Rikka had been caught in the Kōryū, it would have been destroyed forever!” Yoruichi shouted at her.

“I, uh, well,” Orihime stammered, unsure of how to deal with her angered mentor, but she still had a shy smile on her face as she rubbed the back of her head.

“It worked, didn’t it?” Ichigo stated.

“That is not the point!” Yoruichi berated.

“It’s good enough for me,” Ichigo replied, blowing off the cat’s scolding.

“Ah, Uryū, your cape got destroyed!” Orihime announced.

“Figures,” Uryū scoffed. “But, I came prepared.” Before he even finished his statement, Uryū began to pull out what seemed to be a white cloth, but as he completely unfolded the piece, it was revealed to be yet another cape. Kokoro just used her paw to cover her snout, as if she were trying to pinch the bridge of her nose; this journey was getting longer and longer by the minute.

“You can’t be serious!” Ichigo shouted.

“I am. I had a feeling something like this would happen, so I brought an extra,” Uryū explained. “Although I had hoped that wouldn’t have to use it so soon.”

“You are so-!” Ichigo started, but Kokoro didn’t want to hear it anymore. As she finally rose to her feet, she let out a bark that could have frightened the very soul out of a human. The arguing teens were muted as their eardrums practically started ringing from the hound’s thunderous roar, which gave Yoruichi the opportunity to finally speak.

“Thank you, Oro-chan. And now that you’re all quiet, you’d probably like to know that we are right outside the Seireitei,” Yoruichi began.

Kokoro had expected to feel angry, or maybe even happy, or to feel nothing at all, but none of those options were right. The Seireitei, the place that she had called home for so long, the place that she had nearly been killed in, the place that she had been exiled from so suddenly, was there right in front of her, and instead feeling anger for the people inside, or being happy to step foot in her old home again, she was overwhelmed by the sudden urge to cry. She hadn’t expected to be so overcome by her emotions at the very sight of the place, but something about it just seemed to bring everything back to her at once…

* * *

 

_Unohana stared into shaky, paranoid blue eyes. It was obvious that the woman that she had brought back to the Gotei 13 with her was highly uncomfortable with her new surroundings; her eyes were as wide as they could be and her dilated pupils shook as they darted across the room. Even as the woman merely drank some of her tea, her bandaged hands shook with violent tremors. Unohana couldn’t decide if it was fear or excited anticipation that was making her this way, but it wasn’t healthy either way._

_“Is something wrong?” Unohana finally asked._

_“They already know,” the woman stated with a shaky voice that was heavy with some unknown emotion._

_“Who are they?” Unohana asked her. “And what do they know?”_

_“All of them, all of the Shinigami; I know they know because of the way they looked at me when we got here,” the woman explained._

_“What do they know?” Unohana repeated._

_“Everything, they know everything about what I’ve done,” the woman muttered. “They know what I did before you brought me here. They know how much blood is on my hands. Did you see those captains that walked by? Their stares practically screamed murderer.”_

_“You’re not a murderer,” Unohana assured her. “All of those people attacked you, and you just defended yourself.”_

_“Self-defense only goes so far. How many people have I had to kill in the name of self-defense over all these years? Countless, countless people, all slaughtered by my blades,” the woman reflected, her body shaking more and more as she continued. “It’s not going to be any better here, I can already tell. They’ll call me murderer and they’ll try to kill me, too. I’ll never be safe, not for as long as I live.”_

_Unohana couldn’t help the tinge of pity that invaded her heart for this woman. She was a lost and broken soul, once pure, but tainted by the curse of death that seemed to follow her. As the woman recalled how many people she had killed, tears started streaming out of her eyes and she started to dig her fingernails under the bandages that covered her palms, making the wounds there start to bleed again. It was like the woman was trying to punish herself for some unspeakable crime, but Unohana knew that it was a crime that she hadn’t actually committed._

_“I didn’t want to kill them. They were fools, but they didn’t deserve to be killed like that. But I didn’t want to die either,” the woman cried. “Why won’t they just leave me alone? I can’t eat, or drink, or even sleep because I know that they’ll show up and try to kill me as soon as I let my guard down. I don’t want to die, but how much blood is my life worth? Maybe if I wasn’t here, they wouldn’t all have to keep dying.”_

_“You’re a born killer,” Unohana stated, very plainly._

_“What?” the woman choked._

_“You are a born killer,” Unohana repeated, emphasizing the word ‘killer’. “Killing is in your blood; you do it better than you do anything else, but you also have a conscious. You gain no satisfaction from killing weaklings who have no business fighting you in the first place, but you refuse to just lie down and die at the hands of those weaker than you. You have killed many, yes, but all of those people sealed their own fate when they decided to challenge you. Maybe they thought the rumors were false, or maybe they just wanted to test themselves, but the fact is that even though they were weak, they were still fighters, killers themselves, and they knew what they were getting into when they chose to be what they were. Being the kind of brutes that they were can only lead to one thing: death. All you did bring the fools to their destiny.”_

_“Is that what you brought me here to do: kill some more?” the woman asked her. “Because I refuse if that’s the case. I’m not a fighter, or a born-killer like you say.”_

_“I suppose that remains to be seen,” Unohana commented. “I brought you here to make you an offer.”_

_“An offer?” the woman echoed._

_“Yes, an offer. I’ve seen what you can do; you are a natural in combat, no matter how much you deny it. I believe that if you finally fight opponents that are on or even remotely close to your level, you’ll finally realize the kind of warrior that you are. What I’m offering you is a chance at redemption. If you continue on the path that you walk now, you’ll die a meaningless, inglorious death, and that is something someone of your skill does not deserve. Become my lieutenant, and I’ll show you that you’re not just some simple murderer,” Unohana explained._

_“But, these people,” the woman started._

_“Will not touch you as long as you are with me,” Unohana assured her. “Even if you weren’t with me, most of them wouldn’t have the skill to hurt you.”_

_“I don’t…I don’t know,” the woman breathed._

_“Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your days, slaying weaklings and destroying yourself with guilt afterwards?” Unohana demanded, using a more forceful tone with the woman to show her just how serious she was._

_“N-no,” the woman admitted._

_“Then join me,” Unohana urged her. “If you aren’t satisfied with what you’ve done here in ten years, then you can leave and go back to your life of being a damned and dishonored soul.”_

_“Just ten years?” the woman asked her._

_“Just ten,” Unohana agreed._

_“And you won’t let the other Shinigami try to kill me?” the woman questioned, begging for reassurance._

_“They will not harm you,” Unohana promised. “But you’ll realize, once you’ve gotten your bearings back, that you are much stronger than you think you are.”_

_“I…guess it couldn’t hurt then…to try,” the woman conceded._

_“So you agree then?” Unohana urged, and the woman nodded in reply._

_“Excellent. Well, since you’re becoming my lieutenant, do you think you can tell me your name now?” Unohana asked her. When Unohana had first found the woman, covered in blood and in shame from her most recent fight, she had refused to tell Unohana her name, saying that it was a curse that only brought more people to kill her. But now, maybe with a promise of protection, the woman would now share her notorious name._

_“It’s Kokoro, Kokoro Ono.”_

 

_“What on earth is Unohana thinking?” Captain Kirio Hikifune muttered. She had seen it just like everyone else; Unohana had decided to bring some street rat back to the Seireitei with her, but this street rat was different from the rest: her paranoid eyes had to have stared each and every one of them down before Unohana finally led the woman back to her division and away from prying eyes. The Captain-Commander had called for a captain’s meeting shortly afterwards, and Kirio couldn’t shake the feeling that it had something to do with that shaky rat._

_“You don’t think she’s going to stay here, do you?” Shunsui wondered. “I mean, a woman like that is bound to bring some extra baggage around with her, and with the look that that woman had about her, it would be some pretty sinister baggage.”_

_“I hope she doesn’t stay,” Jūshirō commented. “She seems too suspicious.”_

_“That’s unusual,” Shunsui stated. “You’d be the last person I would expect to accuse someone, and a woman at that, of being too suspicious.”_

_“Can you blame him? Why would anyone be that paranoid unless they had done something terrible?” Kirio added._

_“I’m not disagreeing with you, but there could be other reasons,” Shunsui pointed out._

_“That woman has blood on her hands,” Jūshirō stated, shocking his two companions._

_“I wasn’t going to go that far,” Kirio told him. “I wouldn’t trust her or anything, but I wasn’t going to come right out and call her a murderer.”_

_“She’s got the shame of a killer in her eyes,” Jūshirō pointed out._

_“You’re usually pretty good at reading people, but I think you may be wrong this time,” Shunsui chuckled, patting his friend on the back. “That is just a bit sinister, don’t you think?”_

_“I hope so,” Jūshirō breathed. That woman was a tortured, twisted soul, and she was not one to be trusted any time soon. Hell, he was going to take it a step further and avoid her completely. Shunsui was right; she was carrying baggage around with her, and he had a feeling that that baggage was drenched in blood._

* * *

 

She was a completely different person back then, but Kokoro still had that same fear. Unohana was right to an extent: Kokoro got better when she fought people closer to her skill level, but she still had the fear that she would go too far and end up killing an innocent soul. She didn’t mind fighting, but she didn’t find a great amount of joy in it, either. She was good at it, but she always fought out of necessity instead of desire. She was afraid that if she did let herself fall to that desire, she really would become the monster that she almost was so long ago.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Kokoro’s head shot up as she heard Ichigo’s yell of frustration. Apparently, he had tried charging into the Seireitei, only to be cut off as the Sekkiseki walls that protected it slammed down in front him. And with those walls was a gate, and with the gate came the giant gatekeeper…This trip just kept getting longer and longer…


	7. Chapter Seven- The Pain of Regretting What You Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just going to warn you, I have a flashback within a flashback in this chapter. I’ll have little notes throughout to let you know where one begins and one ends, and hopefully I won’t make the whole thing utterly confusing in the process…Why must I have a flashback within a flashback, you may ask? Just ‘cuz…

“Stupid gatekeeper,” Kokoro thought to herself. She just couldn’t catch a break, could she? First it was the Kōtotsu, then it was the Kōryū, and now it was the damn Sekkiseki walls and the gatekeeper. What else could happen to make her day worse? Oh, right, a hot-headed kid could happen, that’s what. Why on earth did Ichigo think he could take on the giant ass gatekeeper all on his own? With one swing of his giant axe, the gatekeeper, Jidanbō Ikkanzaka, had been able to split the ground into giant walls that not only separated Ichigo and Uryū from Sado and Orihime, but they also separated Kokoro and Yoruichi from all of them as well. Jidanbō was obviously powerful, but Ichigo seemed to think that it wasn’t necessary to form any sort of plan to take the gatekeeper on; hell, he thought he would just save everyone else some time and take on the gatekeeper all on his own with no back-up plan whatsoever.

“This is already one shitty trip,” Kokoro commented when she was sure that no one but Yoruichi could hear her.

“I swear, these kids will be the death of me,” Yoruichi grumbled. “Why would she use her shield like that in Dangai, of all places? And why on earth does he think he can take on this giant by himself?”

“I just asked myself that exact same question,” Kokoro told her. “We’re not even in the Seireitei yet, and I already starting to regret coming along. We are babysitting, Yoruichi, not guiding and protecting.”

“I agree wholeheartedly,” Yoruichi stated. “But, what can you do?”

“I don’t k-Oh my shit,” Kokoro gasped.

“What is it?” Yoruichi panicked.

“I think we spoke too soon,” Kokoro muttered, lifting her paw up to point at something. As Yoruichi followed the direction of Kokoro’s paw, she let out a gasp herself. That little shit actually took the gatekeeper on one-on-one and somehow beat him! The two animals quickly jumped over the wall that was between them and Ichigo so they could get a better look, and sure enough, Ichigo had actually defeated Jidanbō! They hadn’t even been separated for five minutes and the kid had already won!

“Huh, he might just be able to pull this off,” Kokoro muttered.

“He certainly has potential,” Yoruichi agreed. “Kisuke wouldn’t have sent him in here if he didn’t.”

“He is damned determined to save his friend as quick as possible, huh?” Kokoro commented.

“He has great loyalty,” Yoruichi added.

“I guess it won’t be too hard to get pass the gate, huh?” Kokoro wondered.

“I suppose not,” Yoruichi observed. But wouldn’t you know it? They jinxed themselves. Jidanbō was actually going to let them pass the gate because of some rule that said if anyone beat him he could let them through, but as soon as he started to lift the massive gate, they all started to see something behind it. Kokoro craned her neck to try to get a better look, but all she saw was a pair of hakama covered legs, which was already a bad sign. But, as soon as that gate was high enough and she saw the face of the person that was waiting for them, she could have sworn that her heart skipped a beat.

“You have got to be kidding me!” Kokoro spat. She knew damn well who was standing on the other side of that gate, although he was much younger the last time she saw him. The silver hair, the creepy grin, it was oh so obvious that it was Gin Ichimaru, one of the three men that had betrayed the Vaizards a century ago. He was quite a bit older now, but he still had the same look of a killer that he had when he was younger. Kokoro couldn’t hold back the series of growls that emanated from her throat, and she bared her fangs at the bastard for good measure as well.

“Oh, my,” Gin commented, “That’s not a nice doggy at all.”

“Don’t fall for his mockery,” Yoruichi warned her, but Kokoro didn’t stop growling for an instant. She was ready to pounce when she saw him pull out his sword, but instead of attacking any of the ryoka, he attacked the gatekeeper. He cut poor Jidanbō’s left arm off, leaving him with only one arm to hold the gate up, which was a feat next to impossible to actually do. It obvious that he was struggling by the look on his face and he would probably drop the gate at any moment now.

“I’ll kill him,” Kokoro grumbled to herself. She was seeing red because she was so angry at that point! It took every ounce of her being to stop her Hollow from taking advantage of her anger and coming out like it had with Kensei all those years ago; she was so tempted to let it out so she could see that bastard ripped to pieces and her anger just kept growing by the second. But, her anger did momentarily dissipate when she noticed hot-headed Ichigo make yet another bad decision: he decided to charge Gin just like he had Jidanbō.

“No, wait, Ichigo! He’s a captain! You’re not ready!” Yoruichi yelled. And she was right; Gin was going to shred Ichigo to bits and the kid had no idea what was coming at him. Kokoro had to make a quick, split-second decision and she could only hope that it would be enough to save the idiot.

“Shoot to kill, Shinsō.” Once Yoruichi heard Gin utter those words, she knew that Ichigo was in deep shit. There was no way that he was ready to take on the shikai of captain at Gin’s level, and she doubted that he would be able to move quick enough to dodge the captain’s attack, either. That was when she noticed, though, that her canine companion had suddenly disappeared from her side.

“Whoa,” she heard Orihime gasp, and when she looked up, she saw that Ichigo had somehow not been skewered by Gin’s shikai, and she also saw where Kokoro had gone off to. The canine had Shunpo’d as fast as she could to Ichigo, and at the last second, she had been able to bite onto the back of Ichigo’s kosode and drag him out of the way of the attack. Ichigo looked a little miffed by the ordeal but he was fine nonetheless and would live to fight another day.

“Aw, the doggy has tricks,” Gin cooed. Kokoro quickly let go of Ichigo’s kosode, causing him to fall right on his face before he could catch himself, and she barked as viciously and as loud as she could at the man that wasn’t even ten feet away from her. She wanted so badly to Shunpo over to him and bite the hell out of him, but she couldn’t afford to let her murderous desire overcome her at this point. These kids were going to need more help than they thought, and she had to be there for them.

“Oh, mean doggy, mean, mean doggy,” Gin commented, shaking his head in the process. “Sorry, doggy, but I can’t let you through today!”

Gin used his shikai one more time to push Jidanbō out from under the gate, and with nothing else to hold it up, the gate slowly slid back to its shut position. He was also taking away the ryokas’ opportunity of getting into the Seireitei through the gate in the process, which would have been the easy way to get in, and it had been the only way that they had planned to use.

“Bye bye!” Gin called. That snarky bastard even had the nerve to bend down and continue to wave at them as the gate was falling down. Kokoro just wished that she had his blood in her mouth right now…Of course, those were just her animalistic thoughts talking, and totally not her human side...

“Damn it! I could have taken him!” Ichigo shouted. Kokoro just looked behind her and glared at him for a second, but when his scowl didn’t disappear, she turned herself around and gave the kid a piece of her mind, in barks, of course. But they were very angry sounding barks, to her credit.

“What the hell?” Ichigo shouted, holding his arms out in front of him to protect his face from the ravenous dog in front of him.

“I believe that she’s trying to tell you to shut the hell up!” Yoruichi finally piped in. “There was no way you could have taken him on, you fool! That was a captain!”

“How the hell are we supposed to get in there now?” Ichigo demanded.

“If you would be quiet for just one minute and let me think then I would tell you!” Yoruichi shouted. And to his credit, Ichigo was quiet for one minute on the dot. He even stood up from where he had fallen and dusted himself off to kill the time.

“So?” Ichigo questioned.

“I’m gonna bite him, I’m gonna bite him, I’m gonna bite him,” Kokoro kept repeating to herself. It was disturbing how she had the overwhelming urge to bite everyone that annoyed her when she was in her canine form, but the kid really did need to chill out a little. It wasn’t like they had actually planned for anything like this to happen, so Yoruichi was kind of winging it at this point.

“Uh, I’ve been wondering,” Orihime piped in, “How does Oro-chan know how to use Shunpo?”

Kokoro and Yoruichi were both stumped. They hadn’t expected anyone of them to actually ask that question. They had figured with all the time that the teenagers had spent around Yoruichi, they would be more open and accepting of animals with spiritual capabilities, but obviously not Orihime. And now that she had said something about it, the other teens were now starting to wonder the same thing.

“Yes, and why can’t she talk like you?” Uryū added, which distressed the two animals even more.

“I-uh, well, you see, K-uh-Oro-chan here is a special dog,” Yoruichi began, and Kokoro just slapped one of her paws over her eyes. She could foresee this not ending well at all.

“Yes, a special dog,” Yoruichi confirmed. “You see, she’s a dog from Soul Society. She was actually a sort of pet around the Gotei 13 for a while, which is why she’s so familiar with everything here, and they kept her around there because she had spiritual capabilities and whatnot. But one day, she got fed up being cooped in this place and she ran away into the Human World where she stumbled across Kisuke and you know the rest from there.”

“Oh, I see!” Orihime cheered. Thank the Soul King that at least one of them believed it…

“Are you from Soul Society, too?” Uryū challenged.

“I am,” Yoruichi told him with a nod. Kokoro could only pray that they didn’t ask any more questions…

“What’s it matter? We need to get in there!” Ichigo cut in. “Rukia is depending on us!” Kokoro had never been more thankful for someone’s impatience in her entire life. Ichigo had butted in at just the right time, too, because Uryū was obviously about to ask some more questions, questions that Yoruichi probably couldn’t come up with an answer to on the spot.

“Oh, yes, that. I suppose we’ll have to find Kūkaku,” Yoruichi mused.

“Kūkaku?” Orihime repeated.

“Yes, Kūkaku Shiba will be able to help us,” Yoruichi told her.

“Well where do we find this ‘Kūkaku Shiba’?” Ichigo asked her.

“Kūkaku’s a bit of a roamer, so it might be hard to do that,” Yoruichi noted.

“Then let’s start looking!” Ichigo demanded, and he started marching his way right into the Rukongai.

“I want to bite him,” Kokoro whispered to Yoruichi.

“That’s weird, Kokoro,” Yoruichi replied.

“He’s not a bad kid, he’s just really grinding my nerves right now,” Kokoro added.

“He’s just worried about his friend,” Yoruichi assured her.

“I’m worried about a lot of things, but you don’t see me acting like that,” Kokoro told her.

“No, you just want to bite people,” Yoruichi pointed out.

“Point taken and well noted,” Kokoro huffed.

“Let’s just find Kūkaku and get this over with,” Yoruichi breathed, walking after Ichigo into Rukongai, and the rest of the group followed with Kokoro taking the rear, as if she was herding them. After the gate had been shut, some of the Rukongai residents had finally come out from hiding, although they were still weary of the ryoka. Ichigo and Yoruichi asked around for a bit, but no one would tell them anything about where they might be able to find the person they were looking for.

Kokoro had never met Kūkaku Shiba before, but she knew that Yoruichi was close friends with the woman so she wasn’t too worried about Kūkaku denying them help. Mention of the Shiba family, though, definitely brought back some memories for Kokoro. She hadn’t met Kūkaku Shiba, but she had certainly met Kaien Shiba. Jūshirō had tried several times to convince the man to become his lieutenant, and Kokoro had tried a time or two to convince him herself, but with no success. Maybe in the time that she had been gone, Jūshirō had finally been able to convince Kaien to become his lieutenant; she hoped that he had, because he had been trying so damn hard to fill his division’s vacant lieutenant position and Kaien was the perfect candidate. Jūshirō was a wonderful captain and all, but there was only so much that one man could do for an entire division on his own.

Kokoro was so lost in her thoughts that she missed most of the commotion that was happening right in front of her. By the time Ichigo’s yelling finally caught her ear and she looked up, all she saw was a group of strangers riding off on the backs of boars, and she was utterly confused. She looked up at Sado, who was the closest one to her position, and she let out a whine as she tilted her head at him. He just shrugged his big shoulders, but he did reach down to give her a pat on the head. Yes, he was her favorite one by far…

“Uhg, this is going to be a long trip,” Yoruichi grumbled. Kokoro let out a bark of agreement, causing Ichigo to look back at her.

“You could have helped me out there, you know,” Ichigo told her. Kokoro just copied what Sado did and shrugged at the boy.

“Tch, some protector,” Ichigo scoffed. Kokoro looked up at him and let out a whine.

“What?” he demanded, but Kokoro just whined again.

“Fine…Thank you for saving me from that captain, although I could have taken him,” Ichigo mumbled, which caused Kokoro to let out a happy bark. She also ran at Ichigo, and he knew just what she intended to do.

“No, not again!” he shouted, but Kokoro didn’t stop. She plowed through Ichigo, knocking him over and landing on top of him once more, and once more she gave him a giant, wet lick to the face.

“Ew,” Yoruichi mumbled.

“Tell me about it!” Ichigo grumbled, wiping the slobber off his face as Kokoro jumped off of him.

“At least she likes you!” Orihime cheered.

“Someone has to,” Uryū snickered.

“Shut it, Ishida!” Ichigo shouted.

Yoruichi was paying more attention to the bickering teens than she was to her surroundings, so Kokoro took that as an opportunity to scoot just a little bit closer to the black cat. She kept on edging her way over to the feline, and right when Yoruichi finally noticed her, Kokoro leaned down and licked her right in the face.

“Bitch!” Yoruichi seethed, trying her damnedest to use her paw to get some of the dog spit off of her. She ended up just looking plain adorable, though; she fell over on her side because she was being so forceful with her front paws against her face, which knocked her off balance, and Kokoro decided to mess with her some more. She took her nose and nudged it against the cat’s belly, causing Yoruichi to roll around some more. Orihime’s giggle in the background and Ichigo’s snicker were like music to Kokoro’s ears, because she knew they would only piss Yoruichi off even more.

“Stop it, damn you!” Yoruichi seethed, swiping her claws at Kokoro, but the dog was quick enough to dodge the assault.

“I should kill you for that,” Yoruichi grumbled. “Like this trip wasn’t a joke already….”

“Aw, she likes you,” Ichigo mocked, and Yoruichi just glared at him.

“If only Kisuke had seen that,” Kokoro laughed to herself. “He would have practically swooned.”

“Uh, Yoruichi-san,” Orihime called.

“What?” Yoruichi grumbled.

“I think someone is waiting to talk with us,” Orihime told her. Yoruichi and Kokoro both looked over when she said that, only to see an elderly man beckoning them over to him. The two animals just looked at each other for a moment before the both shrugged and trotted their way over to the old man. And as it turned out, their luck was taking a turn for the better, because this just so happened to be the elder of the village that they were in, and if anyone knew where Kūkaku was, it would be him.

* * *

 

After the whole gang and slobber debacle, the group followed the village elder to his home. Yoruichi spoke with him for quite a while, and in the end, he gave them the best lead that they could get as to where Kūkaku Shiba was. They had lost a lot of daylight at the gate, though, and as the shadows of the night grew around them, the elder was kind enough to give them shelter until the next day. Once they made sure that the teenagers would be alright for the night, Yoruichi and Kokoro jumped to up to the roof of the building that they were in. They didn’t talk for long because they were both dead-tired after the strenuous day that they had had; Kokoro settled against the roof with her paws tucked under her chin, and Yoruichi jumped on Kokoro’s back and curled into a ball there. Yoruichi was out in seconds, but Kokoro, on the other hand, was not.

This was always the worst time of day for Kokoro, when it was night time and everyone around her was going to sleep. It was always so quiet, and as always, the quiet just made her think and remember. The only reason that she had licked Ichigo and Yoruichi in the first place was to lighten the mood to try to cheer them all up; the group of teens had hardly stepped foot in Soul Society and they had already been attacked by a gatekeeper and by a captain. Kokoro knew that that had to be stressful on them, and she just wanted to try to make them feel better. That was always her habit, to try to make everyone around her feel better about whatever crappy situation they were, even if she was pained by the same situation herself, so they wouldn’t have to feel pain like she had felt all those years ago, way before the Vaizards were even thought of. It took her so long to get over that pain and it took a miracle, or a certain man, really.

He hadn’t always been so civil and loving with her though. Just like everyone else, Jūshirō avoided Kokoro like the plague when she first showed up to the Gotei 13; hell, some people might have actually thought that she had the plague back then, and she wouldn’t have blamed them for it, either. She was in a rough condition when she first showed up there: she was paranoid, and that was putting it lightly. She couldn’t stop her shaking for at least three months, and it took well over a year for her to stop constantly shifting her eyes to check her surroundings. Unohana healed her hands and arms shortly after she recruited her, but the scars were already there and permanent. That was when Kokoro started wearing gloves, so people wouldn’t ask too many questions. They still avoided her, though, even with the gloves, and back then, she asked herself the same question that she was asking herself now: where was someone to comfort her pain when she needed it?

* * *

 

**Beginning of the primary flashback (great note, right?)**

_As Unohana opened the door to her office, she was greeted by the same sight that she had been seeing for the last month; her new lieutenant, Kokoro Ono, was just sitting at her desk and doing nothing. The lieutenant wasn’t being lazy or anything; she had probably just finished all of her work already. She didn’t exactly have too much else to do, either, considering that she hadn’t really stepped foot outside of Unohana’s office the entire time that she had been in the Gotei 13. Sadly, for Kokoro that is, that was about to have to change._

_“Kokoro-chan,” Unohana started._

_“Yes, Captain?” Kokoro replied, not taking her eyes off of the desk in front of her._

_“You know, you’ve made some pretty tremendous progress in the past month,” Unohana told her._

_“What do you mean?” Kokoro asked her, finally looking up at the woman that had given her a chance when no one else would._

_“You’ve made progress with your…’condition’,” Unohana answered. “Do you think it’s about time for you to try being around other people now?”_

_Her question went unheard, however. As soon as she uttered the word ‘condition’, Kokoro went into her own little world. She was having a sort of flashback, really; the scene that flashed before her had occurred about two decades ago, but it was still engraved deeply in Kokoro’s mind, because it was one of the many memories that defined the curse that had plagued Kokoro since her birth._

 

_**Beginning of the secondary flashback (the flashback within the flashback, if you will)** _

_“Leave me alone!” Kokoro screamed. It was nighttime, and she had been wandering through the woods to try to find some shelter for the night, when out of nowhere this group of men jumped out and starting chasing her down. You would think that the two swords strapped to her hips would deter them, but they were very well armed themselves and they did have quite the number advantage over the woman that they were hunting. It was five on one at this point, and deep down, Kokoro knew what was about to happen._

_She had started out running as fast as she could from them, but something inside her urged her to stop. It was like something was pulling at her muscles to try to make them stop moving, and soon enough, Kokoro didn’t have the will to fight that urge. She gradually started to slow her pace, and when she slowed down just enough, one of the men got close enough to her to reach out and grab her by the arm. He slammed her against a nearby tree as hard as he could and pinned her there; she could feel his scorching breath against her face and it smelled so putrid that it nauseated her._

_“Well look what I caught, boys,” the man snickered, flashing his broken and rotting teeth at her._

_“Please, let me go,” Kokoro whimpered. Her pupils were dilated to their most extreme point, and her body had started shaking. All of these men were grotesque in so many different ways, but it was their intentions that disgusted Kokoro the most, and their intentions were very clear at that point._

_“Why? Are you scared?” the man taunted. “Because you sure look scared, pretty thing. She’s already shaking, boys!” His buddies all started whooping and hollering at that, and the sound of all their voices mixing in monstrous harmony made Kokoro cringe._

_“No,” she muttered._

_“No, what?” the man taunted._

_“I’m not scared,” Kokoro told him, “I just don’t want to kill you.” Her shaking was indeed, not out of fear, but out of anticipation. That became obvious when she finally looked up at the face of the man that was holding her and he saw the maniacal grin plastered on her face. She knew she would regret what she was about to do, but she wanted to see them dead so badly, and she wanted them to die by her hands. Her fear of regret was easily overcome by her desire for blood, and the anticipation of the kill was settling itself in her bones. They were big men, and they were armed, so surely they would provide her with some entertainment._

_“What the hell?” the man muttered, ripping his arms off of the crazy woman that he had snared. That was a bad move, though, because as soon as her arms were free, Kokoro unsheathed both of her swords, and like lightning she slashed at the man before her. His blood poured from the deep wound across his torso as he fell to his knees and it soaked the earth around him, but that wasn’t enough for her. One of his friends had decided to attack her in an attempt to get her away from the slowly dying man, and as he swung his katana at her, Kokoro held up her arm and let the blade cut her. It wasn’t a deep cut, though; to the man that had attacked her, it felt like he had hit a boulder. When she saw that blood was barely even trickling from her wound, a deep frown set itself on Kokoro’s face._

_“Is that it?” she scoffed, tearing her arm away from the blade._

_“How weak,” she muttered. Kokoro then took one of her blades and stabbed it through the man’s throat before he could even think to run away from her. As she pulled her blade out of the fresh corpse, even more blood poured onto the impromptu battlefield, but it still just wasn’t enough._

_“Got any more friends?” Kokoro asked the three remaining men. They just looked to one another, as if they were trying to decide whether they should run or fight. To Kokoro’s delight, they foolishly decided to fight. They all charged her at the same time, and a wave of thrill shot through Kokoro; surely now she would have the fight she desired. The one that reached her first tried to impale her with his katana, and as he got close enough to her, Kokoro reached her arm out and bent it around the blade so he could grab it by the hilt. She only received a small cut on her forearm for doing it, a cut so small that it wouldn’t even leave a scar, and when the disappointment of receiving such a small wound fell over her, Kokoro reached just a little further and grabbed the man’s arms._

_“You fail,” Kokoro stated, right before she impaled him in the chest with her own sword. The force behind her stab was enough to lift the man off of the ground a bit, so Kokoro swung her sword to the side with him still on it to flick him off of her katana. The other two had stopped dead in their tracks when they saw her grab their friend’s blade, but now, they were the only things left to occupy Kokoro’s attention._

_“Come on, I won’t bite,” Kokoro coaxed to them. They both started to charge her again, but this time, she charged at them, too. She attacked one with each blade; she charged right in the middle of them and held out both of her blades so they each locked with one of men’s blades. The man on her left hadn’t even been strong enough to keep a hold of his sword when Kokoro’s blade hit it, and as his sword flew from his hands Kokoro quickly sliced his throat so he wouldn’t be in the way of her fight with the other man._   
_The man on her right had actually been able to keep a hold of his blade, and when he saw his comrade fall to the ground dead, he ripped his blade from Kokoro’s and ducked under it as she swung it at him. He used this new opening to slice at her torso, but as soon as his blade made contact with her stomach, it stopped. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t force his blade through her skin. Kokoro just scoffed at his useless attempt to harm her, and she crossed both of her blades around his neck before she drew them inwards._

_As the last man’s head fell to her feet, Kokoro took a look at the bloodbath that she had created. It was glorious: the ground was painted crimson with pools of fresh blood and the metallic smell of all of the blood was wafting its way through the air. Her favorite part about a fresh kill, though, wasn’t the sight of it, but the sound that followed it: silence. It was the sound of death because there was no sound at all; there was nothing around to make a sound. It was an eerie silence that made Kokoro’s hair stand on end, and she loved it._

_But now that the battle was over, a certain disappointment began to wash over Kokoro. Those men were not worthy to die by her blades; they hadn’t even been able to really harm her with their own. They were weak; they gave her no joy in their deaths because their deaths came too easily and without much struggle. Her momentary enjoyment was dying down rapidly, and as the bloodlust finally left her being for a moment, she became aware of what she had just done._

_The bodies._

_The blood._

_The smell._

_The silence._

_She had done it again._

_She was covered in fresh, warm blood._

_She was nauseous, and she was disgusted with herself._

_She was afraid and shaking._

_She couldn’t help it anymore: she threw up._

_She had done it again._

_Her knuckles were white because she was gripping her swords so tightly._

_Her eyes were filled with tears of anger, sorrow, and disgust._

_Her mind and heart were racing_

_She had done it again._

_She was a murderer._

_She showed them no mercy, and she deserved no mercy from the regret that was beginning to torment her soul._

_Her thrill turned to fear._

_Her bloodlust turned to pain._

_She didn’t know who she was anymore._

_She didn’t know what she was anymore._

**_End of the secondary flashback and back to the primary flashback_ **

_(Kokoro is still at her desk and contemplating her memory as Unohana waits for a response from her.)_

_That was far from her first time killing. The first time that she had killed wasn’t too much unlike that time, though, and it had happened about ten years prior. She had been in her home, minding her own business, when two Shinigami crashed through her door. They were fools; they were two no names that had barely just gotten out of the academy and received their swords. They were disgusting, power-hungry beings that took their new status and power as an excuse to do others harm. They had already killed one of her neighbors, and they aimed to kill her next. All she had been armed with was a small knife, but that had been enough. She had never been faced with the prospect of battle before, and as soon as one of them raised his sword to her, something monstrous overcame her. The fear of dying, the desire to kill, the urge to shed blood; all of these things came over her at once, and when she was finished slaying the fools that had broken into her home, she discovered that those feelings inspired a sadistic love for battle in her. But once the battle was over and her head was cleared from murderous intent, she had been able to realize what she had done. She ran from her home then, taking the two Shinigami’s swords with her as she went._

_Those were the same two swords that she still had with her. After about a decade wielding them, she realized just how special the Shinigami blades were. The swords each had a spirit in them and these spirits seemed to have been formed from the depths of her own being. They reflected the duality of her heart; one was bloodthirsty and his desire for war could never be satisfied, but the other knew only regret for the lives that he had taken and he only desired peace. Once Unohana had recruited her, she explained to Kokoro that the swords and the entities within them had changed themselves in accordance to her reiryoku, which had been filling them ever since she picked the blades up. The Shinigami that had wielded them before her hadn’t had them for nearly enough time for their reiryoku to enter the blades, which was the only reason why Kokoro had been able to turn them into her zanpakutō._

_“Kokoro?” Unohana called._

_“Sorry, Captain,” Kokoro muttered, finally snapping out of her trance._

_“Are you alright?” Unohana asked her._

_“Yes, I’m fine, I was just…thinking,” Kokoro assured her._

_“Did you hear anything I said?” Unohana continued; she was very aware of her lieutenant’s habit to just ‘space-out’ sometimes when something triggered a memory for her, and Unohana knew that she could only be patient with Kokoro when one of these incidents popped up._

_“No, not really. I’m sorry,” Kokoro told her._

_“I know you may be uncomfortable with it, but Yamamoto-san has called a required meeting for all captains and lieutenants.”_

_“Required?”_

_“Yes, required. People are starting to talk, Kokoro.”_

_“About me?”_

_“Yes, about you. The majority of the other captains and lieutenants have never seen you, and some are starting to doubt your existence. I believe that this is the Captain-Commander’s way of silencing those rumors.”_

_“I-I can’t be by all of those people, Unohana. I can’t even stop myself from shaking! Do you know what kind of things they’ll say about me when they see that?”_

_“You can do this, Kokoro. You’ve been working hard to get a hold of yourself, and now it’s time to put all that work to use. You can stop shaking long enough to make it through one meeting, I’m sure of it.”_

_“But-”_

_“Kokoro, you have to do this. There is only so much that I can do for you here. I swear, no one will attack you, but you have to put forth some effort yourself.”_

_“…We’ll come back here when it’s over, right?”_

_“As soon as Yamamoto-san dismisses us.”_

_“But they’ll all stare…”_

_“Trust me, Kokoro, Yamamoto-san will demand all of their attention when the meeting starts. You have nothing to worry about there.”_

_“I…guess I can try, if you’re with me.”_

_“I’m with you, Kokoro.”_

_“Then I’ll do it.”_

_But even through all of Unohana’s assurances, Kokoro was still terrified._

**End of the primary flashback and back to the present!**

* * *

 

Kokoro still had the same fear: she feared herself and the monster that she could become. Unohana saw that fear in Kokoro and she tried to help her conquer it by showing her how to conquer herself and find a middle ground between her bloodlust and her desire for peace. That was complicated, though. Kokoro didn’t enjoy fighting: she loved it, and she feared how much she loved and needed it. Kokoro didn’t find a great amount of joy in fighting: she found the ultimate joy in it, but she didn’t want to live a life so shallow that she could only be happy when she killed. She didn’t fight out of desire; she fought out of necessity because her very existence depended on fighting, although it had almost caused her to lose her sanity. Her curse was the duality of her soul, her heart, and her mind. The only way to end her curse was to find a balance between her dual natures, which was a battle that took her years to even come close to winning, and it was a battle that she still struggled with on a daily basis.


	8. Chapter Eight- Clarity

_“How about I make you a deal, Kokoro?” Kokoro’s head shot up when she heard her captain speaking to her. They had been making their way towards First Division, and Kokoro just was staring at the ground and getting lost in her thoughts as they walked. So far, they hadn’t run in to anyone, which was something that Kokoro was endlessly grateful for._

_“A deal?” Kokoro repeated._

_“Yes, a deal. If you can make it through this meeting without an incident of any sort and look relatively normal in the process, we’ll work on getting you out of the office and into the field,” Unohana offered. It was obvious that Kokoro was trying to avoid human contact as much as possible, but it was also obvious that she was chomping at the bit to get out into the field and kill something._

_Unohana had noticed that Kokoro’s shaking had improved immensely, and that it had really turned into light fidgeting, like when someone was being forced to sit down even though they were dying to get up and move. Her fidgeting was hardly even noticeable when something was preoccupying her mind, but when all of her paperwork and tasks had been finished, Kokoro was practically bouncing off of the walls. It was getting a little out of hand, so Unohana decided to revamp her strategy in helping Kokoro. It was obvious to her now that trying to completely avoid fighting was not the answer; Kokoro was going to need to fight eventually, but too much fighting would send them back to square one. They were going to have to find a way to balance the equation, to give Kokoro the violence that she craved but not so much of it that it would control her again. It would be a difficult process, but it was one they were going to have to undertake._

_“S-sure,” Kokoro agreed. The thought of finally sinking her blade into something again…It sent a wonderful shiver down her spine and she had to bite her lip to hide the maniacal grin that was trying to creep its way on her face. The thought of the reward she was going to receive was enough to make Kokoro stand straight and hold her head just a little higher; she was still probably going to twitch just a little bit, but it would hardly be noticeable as long as she focused on trying to stay still._

_“Kokoro-chan?” Unohana called._

_“Yes, Captain?” Kokoro replied._

_“What are your zanpakutō’s names?” The question took Kokoro off guard. It seemed a little out of the blue for Unohana to ask her that, but surely the captain had her reasons, so Kokoro indulged her._

_“Raihiko and Fūhiko,” Kokoro answered. “W-why?”_

_“Have you noticed it yet?” Unohana continued._

_“Noticed what?” Kokoro asked her; now she was just plainly confused by her captain._

_“What are you thinking about right now, Kokoro?” Unohana wondered. Kokoro was silent for a moment._

_“You, I suppose,” Kokoro finally remarked._

_“And why are you thinking about me?”_

_“Because you’re asking me all of these questions.”_

_“So you’re not focused on me because you think I’m going to attack you?”_

_“No, I guess not.”_

_“Are you worried about anyone else attacking you right now?”_

_“No.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“There’s no one else around.” And Kokoro was being truthful when she said that; even as they walked into the room where the meeting would be, no one else was in there. Unohana had brought Kokoro here just a little earlier than she normally would have to guarantee that they would be the first ones there. Unohana figured that it would be easier for Kokoro that way, so she wouldn’t have to walk in front of so many people._

_“That never stopped you before.” Unohana pointed out._

_“Captain, I don’t understand what you mean,” Kokoro told her._

_“Can you feel the clarity, Kokoro?” Unohana finally asked her._

_“Clarity?” Kokoro whispered. Clarity…What did Unohana mean by that?_

_“You’re thinking straight, Kokoro,” Unohana told her._

_“How do you figure?” Kokoro wondered._

_“Are you thinking about people attacking you?”_

_“No.”_

_“Are you afraid of anything at all right now?”_

_“No.”_

_“Are you having a flashback of any sort at this moment?”_

_“Well, no, obviously.”_

_“Is fighting on your mind at all?”_

_“…Kind of.”_

_“But is it the only thing on your mind?”_

_“No.”_

_“You’re thinking clearly, Kokoro. Anytime I asked you what your zanpakutōs’ names were before, you would immediately shut down into a flashback or become paranoid that you were about to be attacked. You didn’t do that this time.”_

_“So what does that mean?” Kokoro finally asked her._

_“It means we have progress,” Unohana assured her. “If only a little bit of it. I doubt you’ll stay like this once people get here, though.”_

_“Well, isn’t that just encouraging,” Kokoro muttered. Unohana was mildly shocked: was that a sarcastic comment from her lieutenant? Maybe they were closer to breaking the barrier than she had thought…It was strange for Unohana, to see some of Kokoro’s personality finally coming out through her usual silent and paranoid shell, but it was progress nonetheless._

_Kokoro was finally starting to understand what Unohana meant, now that she thought about it. Her thoughts weren’t clouded by constant whispers of fear right now, and it was refreshing, to say the least. It was like she could finally form a cohesive thought that wasn’t centered around blood or battle. She could still feel the cloud of her bloodlust hanging over her, but it was like something was keeping it from infecting her. She felt oddly at peace, but that peace started to slowly slip away when someone else finally walked in the room._

**_“They’ll kill you.” “Their blood would look beautiful on your hands.” “They’re talking about you.” “They’re calling you a monster.” “You are a monster.” “You want to kill them right now.” “If you don’t kill them, they’ll kill you.” “Don’t trust them.” “Don’t trust you.”_ **

_She could feel the cloud starting to slam back down on her. Those whispers…they never stayed away for long. Those voices didn’t belong to her zanpakutō: they belonged to her. Her thoughts were all over the place and she could never get them straight. But she didn’t want that clarity to go away. She wanted to hold onto it for as long as she could, so she could enjoy the peace of mind that it gave her. She needed that clarity to control herself, so she clung to it._

_“Just breathe,” Kokoro thought to herself. “It’ll be over soon enough.”_

**_“No it won’t.” “It will NEVER end.” “You’re alone.” “You’re helpless.” “They KNOW.”_ **

_“Get it together, Kokoro,” she thought. “No one is out to get you here.” But those whispers never stopped; they kept arguing with her sound thoughts, putting doubts in her head constantly even though she tried to fight them. As a few more people entered the room, those negative thoughts just got louder and louder, and she had to fight so hard to keep herself at bay._

_“My, my, Captain Kyōraku, you’re actually on time,” she heard Unohana comment. Oh, what in the world was she doing? Kokoro’s mind was going into a frenzy now: Unohana had gotten someone’s attention, which drew attention to Kokoro in the process, and once one person noticed her, they would all notice her. All eyes would be on her, and that thought just made Kokoro’s skin crawl._

**_“She’s out to get you, too.”_ **

_“No she’s not. She is trying to fix me,” Kokoro reminded herself._

_“I don’t know what you mean, really. My timing is impeccable,” the captain that Unohana had spoken to replied. “I see you finally brought your lieutenant with you.” And that was what did it. Almost all of the lieutenants and captains were in the room now, and as soon as the words escaped Captain Kyōraku’s mouth, all eyes were on her. Kokoro had to remind herself to just stand tall, keep her head up, and stare at a random wall behind everyone. As long as she didn’t make eye contact, she should be fine._

_“Well, all lieutenants were required to come to this meeting,” Unohana pointed out._

_“True. Speaking of which,” he muttered, looking around for his own lieutenant, only to see her walk in with the Thirteenth Division’s captain, who also happened to be his best friend._

_“Lisa-chan!~ Where were you?” Shunsui called._

_“Somewhere,” the lieutenant replied. “Who’s that?”_

_“Lisa-chan, it’s rude to point,” Shunsui commented. As Kokoro looked at them from the corner of her eye, sure enough, the lieutenant was pointing directly at her. If everyone wasn’t looking at her before, they sure as hell were now._

_“This is my lieutenant,” Unohana told her._

_“Is it?” Jūshirō muttered. She looked less…sinister than the first time he had seen her, although that wasn’t enough to silence the suspicions that he had concerning her._

_“You’ll have to excuse her,” Unohana began. “She’s not a very outgoing and social person, as you can tell.”_

_“Really? ‘Cuz last I heard she was bat shit crazy.” Unohana looked towards the entrance of the room, as did everyone else, only to see that the bane of her existence had walked in. Tenjirō Kirinji had been the one to make the comment, and obviously no one was going to argue with him about it._

_“Tenjirō,” Unohana remarked, watching the man closely as he walked over towards her lieutenant. She could only hope that Kokoro wouldn’t break at his sudden intrusion into her personal space._

_“Bat-shit-crazy,” he repeated, putting extra emphasis on each word. “She won’t even look at me.”_

_“Can’t blame her on that,” one of the other captain’s chuckled in the background._

_“Shut it!” Tenjirō retorted. “What kind of useless vermin have you brought in here now, Retsu?”_

_“That’s harsh, don’t you think?” A wave of surprise went through Kokoro when she heard someone make a small attempt to defend her. It was unexpected, and Kokoro couldn’t help but let her curiosity overcome her. She glanced at the captain who had defended from the corner of her eye; he was handsome, to say the least, with long white hair that was tied back and kind green eyes that even in all their gentleness still managed to look so tired. He looked a little thin, like he had been ill recently, but that didn’t even manage to make a dent on how attractive he was. It was almost like he could sense that she was looking at him, and as he turned his head to glance at her, she was caught in his gaze. For once, everything was silent to Kokoro; she couldn’t hear the people fussing around her, but more importantly, she couldn’t hear the whispers anyone. Her thoughts…she was in complete control of them. She wasn’t afraid. She didn’t feel any sort bloodlust trying to take control of her, and for the first time in years, she had a moment of complete clarity._

_“I don’t think it’s harsh enough.” Tenjirō’s comment snapped Kokoro out of her trance, and she finally pried her eyes away from the man that had defended her._

_“Tenjirō, I’m going to have to request that you leave my lieutenant alone,” Unohana told him._

_“I don’t care what you request. I think this crazy vermin needs to leave,” Tenjirō retaliated. With a quick glance around the room, it was easy for Kokoro to see that the man was only voicing the thought that everyone else was too scared to share. They all probably thought that she was crazy, but she hadn’t exactly given them reason to think otherwise, had she?_

_“Does the vermin even have a name?” Tenjirō continued. At that point, Kokoro was starting to get fed up with the vermin comments. She decided to take a chance: she turned her head and looked the captain dead in the eyes. Whatever snide remark he was about to make seemed to get caught in his throat, and for the first time since he entered the room, he was silent. Yes, she may have been crazy, but at that moment, in one of her first experiences of true clarity, she was a controlled and calculated type of crazy, the kind that should have been feared the most._

_“Kokoro Ono,” she stated._

_“W-what?” Tenjirō demanded._

_“My name,” Kokoro pointed out. “It’s Kokoro Ono.”_

_“Tch, whatever,” Tenjirō grumbled, quickly steeping away from the lieutenant. No one else in the room really knew what to make out of the situation that they just saw; first, Tenjirō was riding the poor girl’s ass and then…nothing. With one glance, with one utterance of a name, he gave up in his assault and got away from the woman as fast as he could. There were only two people in the room that weren’t utterly confused: Unohana, who was practically glowing with pride for her lieutenant, and Jūshirō, who seemed to have missed the whole thing entirely._

_Jūshirō had been lost in his own thoughts when the scene occurred. All he heard was a name: Kokoro Ono. It was a beautiful name, one that he wouldn’t have expected her to have when he first saw her, but now…Now was a much different story, and he was hoping that his first impression of her was wrong. He could feel someone’s stare burning on him, and when he looked around to see who it was, he was caught in her gaze. He was left breathless in that moment and time seemed to just stop around him; her eyes were mesmerizing. They were such a beautiful deep ocean blue color, and he could feel himself getting lost in them. However, behind their beauty laid such immense sorrow and pain that it almost brought a tear to his eye. He felt like he had been lost in her stare for ages when Tenjirō finally caught her attention and she took her eyes off of him. Jūshirō couldn’t help the tinge of jealousy that he felt when he saw her looking at Tenjirō instead of him. He wanted, no he needed for her to look at him again. He needed her to say something else, so he could hear the sweet tone of her voice one more time. But before anything else could happen, the Captain-Commander walked in and started the meeting. It was just a normal, routine meeting, but much to Jūshirō’s dismay, Unohana and her lieutenant were the first two to leave once it was over. He was already longing to see her again, but he had no idea when she would come out from her hiding again…_


	9. Chapter Nine- Getting Back On Track

Kūkaku Shiba was…not what Kokoro was expecting. Having been familiar with the woman’s brother, Kaien Shiba, at one point in time, Kokoro had been expecting Kūkaku to be more like her brother. While there were physical similarities between the two, their personalities were almost completely different: Kaien had been cool, calm, and collected; he was patient and very nurturing with his trainees, and above all else, he was humble. This woman…this woman was not like Kaien Shiba, at all. To put it lightly, she was loud and brash, and just very…uncouth. Yes, uncouth was a good word for her…And angry, very angry... And then there was Ganju…Kokoro still didn’t believe he was related to Kaien Shiba. At least Kūkaku had some sort of resemblance to the man, but Ganju didn’t really look like either of the two, at least not to Kokoro. But he was just as uncouth as his sister…

Kokoro only looked at Yoruichi and whined. As soon as she saw the damn house, she should have known how difficult things were going to be. The place was just…strange. Who on earth needs two giants arms to hold up a giant banner with their name on it? Kūkaku Shiba did, apparently. Goodness forbid if they had something like that around the warehouse. Kokoro would never step into that place again.

Yoruichi seemed to second Kokoro’s sentiment. The feline wasn’t worried about Kūkaku helping them; the woman tended to like complicated and unorthodox things, and this whole mission was about as unorthodox and complicated as they got. Ganju, on the other hand, worried her. Yes, he really worried her. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he and Ichigo hadn’t started to try to kill each other as soon as they saw each other, but just look what they did…And Yoruichi knew that Kūkaku wouldn’t change her mind about sending him. This mission was just getting longer and longer by the minute.

Kokoro had been really confused when Ichigo attacked Ganju. She couldn’t recall having run into Ganju at any point the day before, so she wasn’t sure what Ichigo’s deal with him was. She looked to Sado with a questioning look in her eyes, but all he did was grunt and nod his head. He was still her favorite of the bunch, but his response gave Kokoro no answers whatsoever. She looked to the Quincy next, but the he apparently still had his panties in a bunch over the dog charging him when they first encountered each other, so he just pushed his glasses up his face (with his middle finger, she noticed) and ignored her. In desperate need of answers, Kokoro finally looked to Orihime. The girl looked rather confused by the scene, as well, but when she saw the large black dog looking at her, the girl perked up and patted Kokoro on the head. Well, Kokoro had certainly come to one conclusion from her search for answers: these kids were damn well near useless. Kokoro had to have been the most dejected looking dog known to man at that point.

“They ran into each other yesterday,” Yoruichi muttered to her. “He and his gang riding pigs.”

The part about pigs just caused Kokoro more confusion, but at least now she knew that Ichigo hadn’t attacked the other male for no reason. She felt like she should have given the orange-haired teen more credit, but at this point, she wouldn’t put it past him to attack someone for no reason. At some point during the fight, Kūkaku must have gotten fed up with their bickering, because in an instant she was hitting both boys and berating them both. Kokoro’s hopes that this mission would succeed were just getting lower and lower by the minute…

There was one bright side to the whole thing, though. At least Ichigo might keep himself in check while they stayed there; he seemed to be frightened by Kūkaku, which Kokoro saw as a small blessing. Well, the fact that Kūkaku was actually going to help them was probably also a bright side, but at this point, Kokoro was dreading going into the Seireitei. Her dread wasn’t because of the memories that would be brought back up because of the place, or because of her anxiety over seeing what had happened to everybody; no, her dread was present because of just how much work it was going to be looking after these kids, especially Ichigo. There was the slight chance that they would get a little more serious once they entered the Seireitei, but Kokoro wasn’t going to hold her breath.

“Alright everyone! Follow me this way!” Kūkaku called out, breaking Kokoro away from her thoughts. The woman (who Kokoro just noticed was missing an arm…her observational skills needed some work…) led them down quite a few stairs, and then down a hallway. There was some small conversation going on ahead of her, but Kokoro paid it no mind. Whatever Kūkaku was leading them to, it had something to do with how she was getting them into Soul Society. Yoruichi hadn’t exactly told her much about her plan, so Kokoro was as clueless as the ryoka teenagers were. Knowing Yoruichi, though, and just guessing from how Kūkaku seemed, it was probably going to unconventional, whatever it was.

And Kokoro was not disappointed. It was cannon…They were going to get in through the sky…That had to have been one hell of a cannon if Kūkaku thought it would actually pierce the Shakonmaku. That was a tough ass barrier; it did its job well. Kokoro knew from…experience. She should have just known it considering how long she had been in the Seireitei, but she could not deny that there had been incidents, incidents which the Captain Commander had not been very happy about. Or Kirio Hikifune, for that matter…That woman never did like Kokoro…But now that she thought about it, not many people had been very happy about that incident. She thought it had been funny, though, and so had Shūnsui, even if they had been the only two to think so. In her defense, though, it hadn’t been her idea, although nobody believed her when she told them that, especially when she told them whose idea it actually was. She realized she was getting off track again…

“I’m Kūkaku Shiba, also the first class fireworks master in this place!” Well, wasn’t that just a relief…They weren’t going to be shot into the sky by just anybody. No, they were going to be shot into the sky by THE fireworks expert of Soul Society! Kokoro was just so thrilled by the whole situation that-no, she couldn’t even joke like that. Kokoro was so beyond not thrilled that she was really thinking about going home at that point. Kisuke was really going to owe her after this.

Kokoro suddenly felt the floor start to shake under her. Kūkaku had called to her manservants, as Kokoro had decided to refer to them as, to ‘bring us up’. Kokoro had no idea what she had meant, but obviously she had meant it quite literally. The floor was rising, and as she looked up, Kokoro saw that the roof was also opening. Well, wasn’t that convenient? It was actually a pretty damn nice firework station. It sort of gave Kokoro hope that this plan might just work. And then her hopes were crushed when Kūkaku threw the Reishūkaku orb to Ichigo and told him to focus his reiryoku into it and he just…looked at it.

It really shouldn’t have surprised Kokoro, to be honest. Ichigo wasn’t exactly a properly trained Shinigami, so they really shouldn’t have expected him to know how to manipulate his reiryoku. It wasn’t the worst of things that could have happened, but it was certainly a setback. At least Kūkaku had a nice training room for them to use; in the long run of things, the quality of the training room shouldn’t have mattered much, but Kokoro appreciated it. She always got so tired while she stayed in her dog form, and it was way past time for her nap. Of course, said nap was quickly interrupted.

Kūkaku’s man servants decided that commentary was necessary for the ryokas’ training, and they did not give that commentary quietly. Kokoro was slightly relieved to hear that Orihime, Sado, and Uryū had a pretty good grasp on how to use the Reishūkaku, but Ichigo was a different story. She felt bad for him, though; he was putting a lot of pressure on himself to save his friend, and because of that he got very frustrated when he struggled to learn to use the Reishūkaku. He was a hothead, but he was dedicated and loyal to a fault, which Kokoro respected. And then when he stayed back to train when everyone else left to eat…Kokoro about swooned. She had to admit, she may have been giving him a lot of shit, but this kid had more to him than appearances let on. If she wasn’t careful, she might just end up liking him.

Regardless of all of that, she decided to stay back and watch over him. Ganju stayed back, as well, although they definitely had different reasons for their actions. She couldn’t speak for Ganju, but Kokoro was still on a mission. Sure, she would help the ryoka save their friend as best as she could, but at the end of the day, that was not her mission. Her mission was to watch over Ichigo and make sure that his Hollow stayed under control and to try to gain information on Aizen. They had yet to enter the Seireitei, so the latter part of her mission would still have to wait.

As for now, all of her attention was on Ichigo. To more experienced Shinigami, manipulating their reiryoku was as easy as breathing, but that was one thing that Ichigo lacked: experience. He was new to all of this, but Kami forbid if he got any experience under his belt…He would be a force to be reckoned with then. But since that wasn’t the case and Ichigo was still lacking in the experience category, Kokoro had to keep watch on him. While it was a relatively easy thing to do, any change or shift in his reiryoku had the chance of triggering his Hollow. If they were lucky, then maybe his Hollow was still immature and wasn’t strong enough to show itself yet, but Kokoro knew it would only be a matter of time, especially with how strong Ichigo already was. She wasn’t willing to take any chances, even if that meant missing out on a nap or a meal.

Ichigo was trying hard, but he had still yet to make progress. He was also rather irritated at the noise Ganju was making, which resulted in an argument between the two when he decided to tell him that. Of course, said argument got rather deep real fast, with Ichigo telling Ganju why he was saving Rukia. Again, Kokoro’s respect grew just a tad bit more for the kid, and even Ganju seemed to be somewhat impacted by Ichigo’s words.

“Don’t listen! I’m going to practice using a shortcut!” Ganju announced, taking the Reishūkaku from Ichigo.

“Well, this should be interesting,” Kokoro thought to herself.

“I picture a circle in my head, and fill it with a dark color. Then I picture myself to the center of the circle,” Ganju explained. Well, hell, that was surprising. She knew that Kaien Shiba had been Ganju’s brother, but she still didn’t expect the boy to know the basics of Kido. Of course, she also didn’t expect for Kaien to leave his brother unprotected. It was a surprise, but it was a useful surprise.

Once Ganju finally left the room (after throwing some insults out, of course), Ichigo looked down at the Reishūkaku as if he was about to try to use it again, but he seemed to be unsure of himself, which Kokoro decided was not a look that suited him; that unconfident look just didn’t pair with his hot-headedness very well. And she’ll be damned if that unconfident look didn’t make him look like a lost puppy of sorts, as well. She liked to think that it was only because she was in her dog form and the fact that he really did look like a lost puppy, but regardless, she couldn’t deny that seeing him look like that stirred some sort of emotion inside her. It wasn’t pity, but something more along the lines of sympathy because she knew exactly what it felt like to have the capacity to do something but still be unable to do it because of some small technicality. It made you feel lost, and it just wasn’t fair that a kid with such high ability as Ichigo seemed to have to have to go through that. So, Kokoro decided to give him a little extra help.

It was one thing to have an idea of how a technique should work, but it’s something else entirely to actually be able to feel what using the technique was like. With a deep sigh, Kokoro stood up from where she had been lying down and padded her way over to the orange-haired teen. Ichigo seemed to have forgotten that the dog was still in the room with him, because he gave a startled jump when the black canine brushed against his leg. Said canine looked up into the teens eye, and with another deep sigh, she lifted one of her paws and placed it over one of his hands on the Reishūkaku. The large dog then closed her eyes, and Ichigo was startled yet again when he felt something flowing through his hands. It was like some sort of energy, an energy that was strong, yet it still felt soft to him, like a gentle breeze of some sort. It flowed through his hand at a steady pace, and before he knew it, he and the dog were surrounded by a steady ball of energy.

“Oro, how did you…” Ichigo muttered, looking down as the dog took its paw off his hand, causing the sphere around them to disappear. The dog’s ear seemed to twitch when he said its name.

Kokoro mentally scoffed when Ichigo said that name. She still couldn’t believe that that was the name that Kisuke had come up with for her. Going from Kokoro to ‘Oro-chan’ just lacked a certain amount of finesse and creativity, and Kokoro almost felt like Kisuke was trying to make fun of her or something. She’d have to berate him about it whenever she finally made it back to the World of the Living; as for now, she decided to leave Ichigo alone for a moment, so she made her way to the hallway outside the room.

Kokoro carefully used her nose to nudge the sliding door open, and once she stepped into the hallway, she turned around and slid it shut, again using her nose to do so. Ganju, who had been waiting outside of the door, seemed surprised to see the dog, and whether that was because he had also forgotten her presence or because he was shocked to see a dog smart enough to open and shut a door like that, Kokoro didn’t know. Either way, she didn’t really care, so she just shambled over to the other side of the hallway and plopped down right beside of his sitting form. She figured that now would be as good a time as any for her to take her nap, so after letting out an almost indignant sounding huff, Kokoro finally shut her eyes.

It wasn’t long, though, before she felt a hand run its way through her fur. She didn’t have to look to know that it was Ganju that was petting her since he was the only other person in the hallway, but she figured she’s give him a look anyways. Only cracking open one of her ocean blue eyes, Kokoro looked over to the youngest Shiba. His grin was almost cocky as he continued to run his hand over the dog’s fur, and Kokoro had absolutely no idea why he would feel so accomplished just for petting her. She felt like she was missing out on something, but since she was trying to keep the fact that she could talk a secret from the ryoka, it wasn’t like she could just ask him. The whole thing was just frustrating, and it made Kokoro want to fall asleep even more so she wouldn’t have to deal with any of it.

Much to Kokoro’s chagrin, however, sleep would have to wait. Apparently, Ichigo had tried to use the Reishūkaku again, and after her demonstration and Ganju’s shortcut, he obviously figured it out. The thing was, he had seemingly figured it out too well, because the boy was shaking the entire house with his reiryoku. Kokoro had never seen people scramble into a hallway so fast in her entire life; you would think that they would be trying to get away from the source of the terribly strong reiryoku, but obviously these people didn’t work like that.

Kokoro was almost inclined to feel scared when Kūkaku showed up and demanded that Ganju tell her what the hell was going on; Ganju was obviously going to be in deep water for showing Ichigo his shortcut, but Kokoro figured she’d be fine. Who the hell would have believed Ichigo if he said that the dog helped him figure out how to use the Reishūkaku? She wouldn’t have believed him, and if these people had any sense, they wouldn’t either. Well, everyone except for Yoruichi, of course, since the feline was the only one who actually knew who ‘Oro-chan’ really was.

Kokoro couldn’t stop her tail from wagging as a smidgen of pride went through her. When Kūkaku opened the door to the training room, they discovered that Ichigo really had figured the Reishūkaku out; of course, he put way too much of his spiritual energy into it at first, but once Kūkaku yelled at him to hurry up and refine his energy, he was spot on in creating an orb of steady energy around him. He had successfully learned how to use the Reishūkaku, but all things must come to an end, as they say. Ichigo was so happy about using the orb that he forgot to keep focusing on his spiritual energy, which did not end very well. The orb around him exploded, in a very similar manner to the way that Kūkaku’s anger exploded afterwards. Kokoro just shook her head at the ordeal, but on the bright side, things were starting to look up for this mission.

* * *

 

Kokoro discovered that Ichigo Kurosaki was not a very sound or still sleeper; maybe it was just the stress that he was going through, but he tossed and turned like there was no tomorrow. At one point, he reached out to grab something, and poor Yoruichi’s tail just so happened to be the thing that he grabbed. Kokoro almost lost her shit right then and there, she really did. Her cover would have been blown, but it would have so been worth it. The expression on her feline friends face was just priceless, and then the way her tail was bent afterwards…Kokoro always told Yoruichi that she would pay one day for putting so much pride into her tail, and she’d be damned if she wasn’t right.

While Yoruichi went to the surface of the Shiba compound to sulk, Kokoro decided to stay by Ichigo, mainly so she could make sure that the feline didn’t return to kill the poor kid. That was how she discovered that he also was not very graceful when he woke up; he woke up very confused and he asked Ganju quite a few questions that the young Shiba could not possibly have had the answers to. It kind of reminded Kokoro of the few times that she had had the privilege to watch Shūnsui wake up after a particular long night of drinking; it probably should have concerned Kokoro that Ichigo was similar to hungover man when he woke up, but it tickled her nonetheless.

And of course, leave it the Quincy to be on point and tell everyone that it was time to go. Kokoro made sure to stick close by Ichigo as they made their way to the surface and pointedly ignored and avoided the Quincy; if he wanted to be pissy with her, then she could play that game, too.

“Good, we’re all here,” Yoruichi called as they walked outside. Before the cat could continue, however, Ichigo decided to cut her off.

“Yoruichi, what’s up with your tail?” Ichigo asked the feline, making sure to point at the misshapen appendage in the process. Kokoro almost lost her shit yet again; she had never seen Yoruichi look so…adorably livid in her cat form before, and it was just plainly hilarious. The ryoka were probably wondering why the large black dog looked like it was about ready to cry, but Kokoro could not find it in herself to give a damn about that at the moment. She doubted she would ever get to see something like this again, so she decided to savor the moment while it lasted.

“You got a problem with that?!” the cat seethed. Again, she was just so adorable and angry and…Kokoro was probably going to hell for finding so much amusement in her friend’s pain, but again, it was so worth it. She was definitely going to tell Kisuke about this later…

“Oi, what’s Ganju doing?” Kūkaku called to Ichigo.

“When the hell did she get here?” Kokoro thought to herself. She must have been so engrossed in laughing at Yoruichi that she hadn’t noticed the female Shiba’s presence. Ugh, she really had to stop doing that. It just wouldn’t do for her to be so oblivious once they were in the Seireitei.

“Wait!” someone called out, and Kokoro turned around just in time to watch as Ganju ran towards them. As a matter of fact, he was mainly running towards her, and he didn’t seem to be slowing down…Kokoro had to quickly dodge away from where she had been sitting, because if she hadn’t Ganju would have barreled right through her. Ganju didn’t even seem to realize what he had almost done, and that did not please Kokoro one bit. She kept expecting him to turn around towards her and offer her some sort of apology, but instead he just kept rambling on about his battle suit and how his brother was killed by a Shinigami (Kokoro was sad to hear about the fate of Kaien Shiba, but she wasn’t surprised when Ganju mentioned it because Yoruichi had informed her of it the day before) and why he was going with them and how he thought Ichigo was different from the other Shinigami…Kokoro was not pleased by this at all.

Everyone else seemed to be touched by Ganju’s words in some form or another, even Kūkaku, who gave her younger brother some encouraging words (at least, Kokoro thought they were supposed to be encouraging), but Kokoro was not touched the slightest bit. She was still waiting for an apology, and once she realized that she wouldn’t be getting one, she decided to make herself known. She walked right up behind Ganju, and with a mighty intake of air, she unleashed one of the loudest barks that she had ever cared to vocalize. Kokoro could only describe what happened next as pure justice. Ganju yelped and jumped like somebody had lit his ass on fire, and Kokoro was more than satisfied with her revenge at that point. She’d even managed to startle everyone else in the process, which made it even better.

“I, uh, think you almost ran into Oro-chan,” Orihime pointed out, with a slight, shaky chuckle to her voice. Ganju turned towards the dog and looked at her as if she had turned into a bear or something.

“S-Sorry, Oro-chan,” he muttered, shakily reaching his hand towards the dog as if he was trying to pet her. Kokoro decided to give him a break, so she gently nudged her head into his hand and let him complete his apology by petting her head.

“How adorable,” Yoruichi mockingly cooed. Kokoro just huffed. She would make sure to step on the cat’s tail later on as revenge for that remark.

“Alright, are you all ready, because I’m not waiting any longer!” Kūkaku called out, causing everyone to apparently put their serious faces on (Kokoro didn’t put her serious face on, though, because she was still focused on getting her revenge on a certain black feline). A Reishūkaku orb was given to the group as they all reached the firework station, but a thought seemed to go across Ichigo’s mind once he realized they would be using the orb to create the cannonball that was going to get them into the Seireitei.

“Yoruichi, can you do it?” Ichigo asked their feline guide.

“Oh, don’t mind that. Just put it on the ground,” Yoruichi directed him, and once Ichigo placed the Reishūkaku on the ground, Yoruichi hopped on top of it and created an energy sphere from it with ease. Poor Ichigo practically fell to the ground with disappointment.

“Oh, does that make you feel inferior, to have trained so hard to do that and then I just did it so easily?” the cat mocked, making the orange-hair teen sink farther towards the ground.

“Can Oro-chan do it?” Orihime suddenly chirped, and all eyes turned to the dog, as if they expected her to say something in response. Kokoro just looked at them like they were idiots.

“Of course she can,” Ichigo piped in, and everyone switched their gazes towards him.

“How do you figure that?” Uryū asked him, pushing his glasses up his face as he looked back to the dog in question. Kokoro noticed that he used his middle finger yet again…she was going to end up biting that thing off if he didn’t watch himself. She didn’t like the tone of voice he used when he looked at her, either. It was very…condescending.

“She did it yesterday to help me figure out how to do it right,” Ichigo explained. Everyone then looked at him like he was an idiot.

“You’re saying that the dog helped you use the Reishūkaku?” the Quincy reiterated, making sure that that was actually what Ichigo had claimed.

“Yep,” Ichigo clipped, and Kokoro could have sworn that she heard the Quincy snort.

“Here, Oro-chan, why don’t you just show them?” Yoruichi told her, rolling the Reishūkaku orb towards the dog. Kokoro let out a sigh, but she figured that this would be the easiest way to get everyone back to the task at hand, so she lifted her paw up and placed it on the orb like she had the day before. And just like the day before, she focused her reiryoku into the orb and created a stable energy sphere with it.

“Eat that, Quincy,” Kokoro scoffed in her head. Said Quincy looked less than impressed, ass-hat that he was. Kokoro did not like him, and it was obvious that the feeling was mutual. But, at least everyone was focused on the task at hand again.

Kokoro would not lie and say that she was comfortable climbing inside the giant cannon. To be honest, she found it quite unsettling. Not only was it an enclosed space (something that Kokoro was not a fan of anyways) but there were just so many things that could go wrong with this. The main thing that she was worried about was that someone (like Ichigo) might lose their focus, causing them all to be blown to bits. Plus, with everyone having such different power levels, it was going to be hard to get everyone on the same page so they could create a stable cannonball. But, they had made it this far, so there wasn’t much of a point in turning around now, no matter how much she wanted to.

“Nerves getting to you?” Yoruichi asked her, noticing the way that her canine companion was slightly shivering. The dog merely nodded her head in reply. Kokoro’s nerves had started to hit her as soon as she woke up that morning; she was so close to getting back into the Seireitei, to seeing everything that she had been forced to leave behind so long ago, and that scared her beyond belief. She didn’t know what to expect, but through it all, she was still going to have to stay focused on her mission and keep a close watch on Ichigo. It was going to be beyond stressful, but Kokoro knew what she was getting into when she agreed to Kisuke’s request. Plus, Kokoro had never been one to back down from a challenge, and this was certainly going to be one of the biggest challenges of her life.

She didn’t have too much more time to think about it, though, because almost as soon as they stepped into the cannon, Kūkaku had them prepare for the launch. Kokoro, Ganju, and the ryoka were in a circle with the Reishūkaku in the middle of them, and Yoruichi was balanced on top of the orb. Yoruichi gave the teenagers some last minute coaching, telling them that they needed to stick together and not take any unnecessary risks, but her words were cut short as Kūkaku started the Kido spell to fire the cannon.

“Put your energy in it now!” Yoruichi called out, and without missing a beat everyone focused their reiryoku into the orb.

Kokoro had never been fired out of a cannon before, but she never wanted to do it again. The initial launch wasn’t as jarring as she had expected it to be, but there was something about going from being in an enclosed space to flying through the air rapidly that just didn’t settle well with Kokoro. And then Ganju explained how he had to do a follow-up incantation and that the cannonball had to be kept stable and…Kokoro stopped listening because she just plainly wanted out of the damn thing. Of course, Ichigo put a bit too much energy into the Reishūkaku, and everyone kept telling him to lower his energy input, which caused Ganju to lose his place in the incantation. Kokoro wanted to puke when Ganju and Ichigo started arguing, because the feeling of eminent death was starting to loom over her; this was so not the time for them to argue.

It was too late to finish the incantation now because the Seireitei was in view. They were going to crash; Kokoro wanted to cry. Yoruichi kept it together, though, and ordered everyone to focus as much energy into the Reishūkaku as they could to make the cannonball tougher. The feline’s plan seemed to work because the cannonball was able to pierce through the Shakonmaku, but Kokoro knew what was coming next, and so did Yoruichi.

There comes a certain point in time when giving up seems like the best option. When you have to use a massive amount of energy to break through a shield that is also made out of a massive amount of energy, and then all that energy comes together to form a giant energy tornado that will burst shortly afterwards, well, that certainly is one of those times when giving up seems like the best option. Kokoro couldn’t help but think that the whole thing just plainly sucked.

There was no way that they were going to all be able to stick together, but she knew that if the ryoka were to have any chance of survival, that they at least needed to be paired up with one other person. Once the energy vortex started, Ganju started to be pulled away first, so Kokoro made her way over to him (in some movement that was a bit like swimming, really) and clamped her jaws down on the leg of his pants. With a massive shake of her head, Kokoro tossed the Shiba right at Ichigo, who looked a little less than pleased when Ganju collided with him. Yoruichi seemed to understand what Kokoro was going for, and the feline jumped onto Ichigo’s arm.

Next came the Quincy, much to Kokoro’s distaste. Luckily for her, Uryū hadn’t been pulled too far away from everyone else yet, so she only had to nudge him a little bit to send him towards Orihime. Her next target was Sado; she was going to try to send him towards Uryū and Orihime, but he had already been pulled pretty far away from everyone and she knew she was running low on time. The vortex was going to burst at any moment, so Kokoro tried with all her might to make it to her favorite ryoka so he could at least have her as backup. Luck, however, was not on her side, because as soon as she held her paw out to the teen, the vortex burst, scattering the ryoka to the far-reaching corners of the Seireitei.

Kokoro couldn’t decide what was worse: being shot out of a cannon or being shot out of an energy vortex. Really and truly, they were both terrible, but at least with the cannon she had the Reishūkaku to help protect her. When she was shot out of the energy vortex, she didn’t have that luxury. She was just freefalling through the air at an ungodly rate, and the ground was getting closer and closer to her. She had really been hoping that she wouldn’t have to put forth too much effort so close to the beginning of the mission, but there was no fighting it, especially if she didn’t want to be turned into a doggy pancake once she made contact with the ground.

Kokoro focused as much of her reiryoku as she could into her paws, and luckily for her that was enough to ease her impact. There was a huge crater in the ground where she had landed, and her hip may have been jarred a little in the process, but overall things turned out well. It seemed that being turned into a doggy pancake was not her destiny that day.

  
“Well, hello there Seireitei,” Kokoro breathed. She had finally made it; she had finally reached her old home, where hopefully she would gain some answers as to what happened after she and the Vaizards had left all that time ago. Hopefully, she would be able to scout out what Aizen was up to, and maybe see how her old friends were doing in the process, but most of all, she hoped that she would be able to see Jūshirō again. She knew she wouldn’t be able to talk to him or let him know that she was alright, but just seeing him would be enough for her.

The whole thing just made her nerves flare up again, and with her nerves came nausea. Maybe it was because her equilibrium had been thrown off so much by flying through the air so fast, but whatever the case may be, Kokoro just could not fight off the urge to vomit. So, she didn’t fight it; she wiggled her furry rear in the air, and after a bit of heaving, she threw up right there in the middle of the Seireitei. Maybe she did it because she was still bitter about the whole exile thing, but regardless, that’ll show the Shinigami to mess with her. She hoped one of them would stepped in it, too. Eh, no, never mind, that would actually be kind of gross. Although, it would have been hilarious to see Old Man Yamamoto slip in pile of dog vomit…Yeah, she was definitely going to hell for that thought, but not before she figured out where she actually was in the Seireitei. That shouldn’t be too hard; they couldn’t have changed the layout of the place that much since she had left…


End file.
